Hey there! These are my current responses to Syracuse Universities common application writing supplements. If you guys could give any feedback at all, positive or negative, it would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?
I have lived in Syracuse my entire life. Ever since I was a child, I loved the atmosphere and quality of education that comes out of Syracuse University. When looking into perspective colleges to continue my educational goals, Syracuse was the first name on that list. Syracuse has my focus of study (Chemical Engineering), which inclined me to apply to transfer into the school. I want to be a part of Syracuse University and receive that same quality of education. Having a large, diverse student body is extremely important as well. Syracuse offers what I want to get out of my undergraduate experience and it would be an honor to experience everything that Syracuse University has to offer.
Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this?
After experiencing some undergraduate schooling, I know that I want to pursue a career in Chemical Engineering or chemical research. I have always found the science of how the world works to be extremely interesting and thought provoking. Syracuse has an amazing science department that can provide me an excellent education, and experience in these fields. Surrounding myself with a diverse group of scientists throughout my scientific career will help me grow as a scientist and facilitate me becoming a productive member of the scientific community.
If you have had work experience, what skills and/or knowledge did you gain?
Working at Longhorn Steakhouse has helped me significantly in my daily life. Working in such a fast-paced environment and communicating directly to guests, forces me to solve problems quickly and effectively. When there are orders that come out of the kitchen and the guests are dissatisfied it is my job to help fix their meals and make the customers' experiences more rewarding. This aspect of my job has helped me develop useful methods to tackle obstacles in all aspects of my life, along with time management skills.
Based on your interests, tell us what real-world experiences you might pursue during your education at Syracuse as part of the University's Mission, Scholarship in Action?
There are several opportunities to pursue real-world experiences with chemistry in Syracuse that interest me. One of which would be doing research at the University for the advancement in chemistry. Research opportunities are great ways to receive real-world experience in chemistry and the methods of research that will be used in graduate school. Another great real-world educational experience would be to intern or work in the chemical industry. There are many industries and company's in the surrounding area of Syracuse, and beyond, that accept interns to help get them work experience and understanding of how Chemistry can be applied outside of the classroom.
For TRANSFER applicants only: What is your college experience and interest in transferring to Syracuse University?
St. John Fisher College is a small, liberal arts college in the Suburbs of East Rochester. It has a friendly, small student body with good academics. I want to transfer to Syracuse University to be a part of the "Orange Nation". I want to be a part of a large, prestigious University with a student body who are just as passionate about their academic studies as the institution that they attend. I want to be a part of a University like Syracuse and be able to say with pride that I am a part of the Syracuse Orange.
Having a large, diverse student body is extremely important as well....grow as a scientist and facilitate me becoming a productive member of the scientific community...methods to tackle obstacles in all aspects of my life, along with time management skills....interns to help get them work experience and understanding of how Chemistry can be applied outside of the classroom.... prestigious University with a student body who are just as passionate about their academic studies as the institution that they attend.
I think that the phrases from your writing that I quoted are the central ideas to lots of money and prosperity. I don't have much writing wisdom to give you advice on how to critique your passage, but I can say if you focus strong on your first four years at Syracuse, you will be able to work for who you want, marry who you want, and live where you want. Keep all of the quoted phrases with you untill you retire of start your own business.
Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this?
After experiencing some undergraduate schooling, I know that I want to pursue a career in Chemical Engineering or chemical research. I have always found the science of how the world works to be extremely interesting and thought provoking. Syracuse has an amazing science department that can provide me an excellent education, and experience in these fields. Surrounding myself with a diverse group of scientists throughout my scientific career will help me grow as a scientist and facilitate me becoming a productive member of the scientific community.
I think you need to focus more on telling them that what you want to be - the person you dream of becoming. So, you better tell them what you aim to do, what sort of personality you'd like to develop, how you would like others to perceive you etc. Here you talk more about your interest in Chemical Engineering and what Syracuse has got to offer you. I think you need shift the focus here :)
