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'The sheer amount of complications' - CORNELL School of Engineering Supplement


nilycul 1 / 3 1  
Oct 28, 2012   #1
Would anyone be willing to proofread my Cornell Supplement? ANY CRITIQUES ARE WELCOMED!!
Prompt: Tell us about an engineering idea you have or your interest in engineering. Explain how Cornell Engineering can help you further explore this idea or interest.

It is not the stars that dominate the night sky in New York City, but the planes that are admired from afar. Every so often when I need a break, I would step out of my house and tilt my head up upwards, gazing into the vast openness. My eyes would follow an aircraft trailing across the sky until I could no longer see it. This fascination had inspired me to enroll in an Aerospace Engineering course in my high school. One of our major projects was to create a glider from scratch with only one purpose: to achieve the greatest distance. The class was split up into groups of five and we all had the same amount of resources to work with.

Being overwhelmed by the sheer amount of complications that came with the project, one of my classmates asked my teacher for a detailed explanation on what to do. My teacher replied with the words that still inspires me to this day. "The things worth doing in life," he says, "comes with no instructions because it has never been done before." This project not only made me realize my passion for engineering, but also allowed me to appreciate collaborative effort: something that is strongly emphasized at Cornell.

An Engineering education at Cornell University will not only prepare me for the path of being an engineer, but most importantly, will teach me how to think like an engineer. Being able to utilize the vast amount of knowledge that I will acquire at Cornell University will allow me to contribute back to my community regardless of what profession I end up specializing in. Since students are required to take an Introduction to Engineering course in their freshman year, I will be able to fully explore my interests before deciding upon a major. My group designed the glider, made a prototype, and constructed the actual design. The Project Teams program, especially the Cornell Design Build Fly team, captures my attention because it will allow me to see a design go into production and experience engineering first hand- something that I became quite fond of after my glider project. Being able to participate in hands-on activities enthralls me. The extensive co-op opportunity available at Cornell University will provide me with opportunities that other institutions lack and I will be able to incorporate my classroom knowledge to real-world engineering situations. The mindset that my teacher has relentlessly drilled into me in doing something that has never been done before will prove me to be a well candidate for Cornell University. Like my glider, I am determined to get far. Cornell has the resources to allow my glider to achieve its purpose and soar out over the beautiful hills of Ithaca.
shmegg 7 / 26 1  
Oct 28, 2012   #2
It is very good! Just a few mistakes I found..

Like my glider, I am determined to get far.

Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever use the word "get" in an essay. EVER. :) How about "go"?

Cornell has the resources to allow my glider to achieve its purpose and soar out over the beautiful hills of Ithaca.

Closing your essay with a sentence about your glider makes it sound like your essay was about your glider, when really it is about you. If you want to close your essay with this sentence, make sure you get the point across that the analogy is that the glider represents you early on in the essay.

Goodluck! Maybe we will be future classmates for I am also applying here! :)
wontaco 1 / 1  
Oct 28, 2012   #3
"The things worth doing in life," he says

"Says" works but I think "said" might be more right here.
Otherwise a very well written essay!
yehitsjonathan 2 / 2  
Oct 28, 2012   #4
Cornell University will not only prepare me for the path of being an engineer, but most importantly, will teach me how to think like an engineer.

instead: Cornell University will not only prepare me for the path of being an engineer, but also teach me how to think like an engineer

"The things worth doing in life," he says, "comes with no instructions because it has never been done before."

what a nice quote! I feel like you should expand on this more. What does this mean to you?

For the last paragraph, in my opinion...it feels kind of scattered. Maybe try focusing it on one particular aspect? You have topics like co-ops, hands-on activities, and Cornell Build Fly Team. Maybe try going in depth in one or two particular aspects. It will add more depth to your essay.


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