"A service trip to Cambodia" - U OF MICHIGAN SHORT QN - Community

Hi people deadline is today.
I just need some quick response on my answer because i'm not sure whther i'm interpreting this question correctly.
Thanks! i'll edit ur essay back for sure

Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

By definition, a community is a group of people with a common identity. I have always struggled to find my identity in life. I have many identities- a student, a daughter, a musician, an artist and so on. The only problem is that none of them sums up who I am perfectly.

It was during a community service trip to Cambodia when I finally found a strong sense of belonging. The children there lived in dilapidated houses, and the mission of the trip was to help rebuild their school and to teach English to them. Through teaching and interacting with the children, I was immediately entranced by the air of optimism around them. All of them had a clear and common goal - to break out of the poverty cycle by studying hard. They were very eager to learn, and my favourite moment of the day was to ask a question in class and I would see many earnest hands raised up. They were happy with their present state of life, but they wanted to experience much more than what fate would have intended for them. They have motivation in their life. This is when I feel that I belong with them. I belong to a community driven by motivation and aspirations. In this community, I can be of any societal standing and wealth, I belong because I crave for more and believe that I can achieve what I want as long as I try.

END

cut "and so on"
maybe make it
a student and a daughter, a musician and an artist.


much more than fate intended for them


aspiration - so that both motivation and aspiration are singular


In this society, I can be of any societal standing and class. I belong because I desire more than what may seem possible, and because I believe that I can achieve anything as long as I put my mind to it. Here, nothing is impossible.

Is that really the definition? Maybe there are multiple definitions. If you use the word definition in your essay, and claim to have a definition for something, make sure it actually is what some prominent dictionary says. Now you made me Curious! I am going to look it up... :-)

You raised a question at the end of the first paragraph: how to capture your true identity.
At the end of the last paragraph, you should maybe give an answer. Sorry, I did not help in time for the deadline! :-)

I also think you should consider removing or rewording the repetitive use of the word "identity" in the first paragraph as I feel it detracts from the overall essay.