Prompt: Describe your neighborhood and how it impacted who you are.
Ducking through the flurry of college flags hung within spitting distance above my head, I rush to greet a familiar face known by my colleagues as the "college counselor". With the intentions of ignoring all the billboards and articles around me, I plan my steps carefully hoping not to immerse myself in all the information surrounding me fearing being late for my next class. For some, walking into the college office abundant with paper scribbled with mundane details about college is akin to walking into somewhere foreign, but for me, I call this place my neighborhood.
My neighborhood has been far from easy to adjust to as a newcomer. Being introduced to radically different viewpoints and attitudes in life were discouraging. I was Yang but all my neighbors were a combination of Yin and Yang. I was in my own bubble of ignorance, while my neighbors were ever willing to pop that bubble and my own perception of reality. My neighborhood has shook the very foundations of what I deemed success and turned it over its head. Being taught that success was deemed by my own personality, goals and drive rather than my own GPA and test scores was a smack in the face by reality itself.
"I have a x% average, thus I should be in the program becau-" cutting me off mid sentence, my "college counselor" immediately responded with a "so what?". From that day on, I couldn't call her my "counselor" blurred in formalities. I considered her to be my mentor, and a close neighbor with whom I can exchange experiences exceeding the realm of college. Ignorance was bliss and my bubble was waiting to popped by my mentor. No longer could I deem myself to be the center of the world, but a contributor and leader in changing the world. No longer could I just wait for opportunities to show its face, I had to make my own opportunities in a place where opportunities can be scarce and competitive. But most importantly, I learned the effectiveness of having an open mind.
As a long term resident, I can now say with conviction that my neighborhood has helped me grow as an individual. Walking across the room, I now no longer duck to avoid hitting the flags, I embrace it. To an ordinary person, it might seem awkward to see the flags brushing against my head, but for me, it symbolizes the turning of a new leaf.
This is much stronger than the IELTS paper I just read.
Aside from some minor usage issues, the main problem I see is that the counselor paragraph doesn't really deal with your neighborhood. It's about the counselor.
Furthermore, I'm not sure the reader's going to buy your premise that an office is your neighborhood.
