Tell us something about yourself you did not get the chance to say in the common app
This essay here is a lot like psychoanalysis. I get to talk about myself to an academic, I do not see the addressed person and I get to pay 80 dollars for this opportunity. "So how are you feeling today?"
To be honest I am sad. Sometimes I feel just the pain of being. It is the result of the gap between idea and reality, or the difference between what is and what is possible.
I believe strongly in the idea of cultural understanding and yet I look at a world full of racial conflicts.
However, it is not only intellectual, but also personal disappointment in the world.
When I first went to secondary school everything was intense. I met new friends and felt the total excitement of saying "Hello, I am Max." to a cute girl. Although I have now grown accustomed to school, sometimes in a trite lesson I cannot help but long for the thrill of the first day.
One way to deal with the gap is to simply block out the sun of ideas and to live sedatedly in the cave of conventions. I have tried this a few times. However, even when I was laughing and drinking beer at boring parties, my happiness was only superficial. It did not feel real. This is why I choose to seek true excitement through exploring the virtually endless possibilities of human experience.
About a year ago I first read about the revolutionary concept of polyphasic sleep. By sleeping several times a day, one can reduce daily sleep to four hours, or even up to two hours. All it takes is an incredibly hard adaptation period of four weeks.
Although my first two failures led me almost to believe polyphasic sleep was impossible my fascination with the idea let me try a third time and succeed. Since two months I have four hours a day more to expand my knowledge and experience.
I have learned speed-reading, which enabled me to read texts two times faster, and started to meditate daily, which lets me attain peace.
However, the most prodigious discovery I made was lucid dreaming. This is the learnable ability to control one's dream actively. Mankind is actually able to create the world as it likes.
When I explore these things I feel like a pioneer into the unknown realms of the human mind, which fills me with pure passion. When I make myself aware of the fact that I have learned about those things in just one year, I realize that I have only glimpsed into the human potential which is bigger than I can possibly imagine. This fills me with awe of life and lets me forget about my occasional sadness.
Well, our first session has come to an end and I have obviously started to feel better. I hope that we can begin treatment at your office in fall. Psychoanalysis takes a long time, so how would you feel about a time span of four years?
Please review as drastically as you like
Well, our first session has come to an end and I have obviously started to feel better. I hope that we can begin treatment at your office in fall. Psychoanalysis takes a long time, so how would you feel about a time span of four years?
I love this! If I were an admission officer I would admit you right away. The only thing is that I don't know if Yale will like your writing style. It's not very formal and I've seen many other students do this, too. So can you make your essay more in-depth and insightful? Like why do you want to expand your knowledge and all that? What's the purpose?
I really thought I was pretty unique with ECs like polyphasic sleep, speed-reading, meditations and lucid dreaming. Well, I was wrong, apparently:)
The essay is well-written and I do love it, but I'd definitely agree with jp4ever. Make it a bit more personal. Try to further explain what impact it had on you, your life. Or what do you do with all the time you have. But I like it just the way it is.
Good luck with Yale, I'm applying there too.
Max you did a good job on your essay, however I feel that you started it very strongly and sort of wandered off in the middle and then came back again in the conclusion. I think you need to maintain your stance all through the essay. It was a really good essay. Thanks for helping with mine and good luck:)
The middle started with were you said "I believe strongly in the idea of ...right down to the second and last paragraph.
@phhai what exactly do you mean by beer and high school girl. Although I do mention a girl, it is not in relation to beer.
@deremifri: actually i mean they are 2 sentences where you need to revised a bit :)
Hi Max, I found your essay very interesting to read. However, I think you need to put more emphasis on how your experiences helped you. To me, I felt as if you were rushing to explain how the experiences help you become who you are now.
As for your last sentence I moved some of your words to make the sentence sound better:
"...but most importantly my understanding will continue to grow so furiously that I will eventually come to peace with the world."
I also agree with phhai on your last paragraph. Were you going to end it like a psychoanalysis? or no?
I was, but the word limit...
What could I cut out?
Well,for starters you should probably cut out the part about the beer+anything else that makes you seem irresponsible. Maybe a few other parts in the middle you could remove since thats where your essay starts to lose focus. also,is your essay structured in paragraphs? If not,i would really reccomend doing that.
goodluck!
