"The rising national debt" Local, national, or global issues: What do I pick and why?

Prompt: What issue of local, national, or international significance concerns you? Why?

This has to be limited to one page. I feel that my essay got extremely weak towards the end and need some feedback/suggestions in how to strengthen it with many of the points/issues that I've made. It was hard for me to write this because I know so much and have a lot to ay and could not fit it all on one page, and I don't like me ending paragraph at all. This essay put me at the threshold of the limit. Does this fit the prompt well? Please feel free to add ANY type of suggestion.

There are many issues, both national and global, that affect my future after graduation. The issue of greatest importance, personally, is the state of the U.S. economy. The national debt is increasing, unemployment remains high, and the housing market continues to falter. The preceding factors alone have spiraled the United States further into the recession that has plagued the nation since 2008, and has greatly affected my family. Furthermore, many economists have predicted that the United States will not see an effective recovery until 2018, at the earliest. The state of the U.S. economy is an issue that foists immense uncertainties on millions of citizens for generations to come.

The rising national debt is detrimental to my ability to stimulate the economy because of the inevitable rise in Federal income taxes, and higher taxes means less disposable income. The increased spending forces millions of Americans, including myself, to save their money instead of spend. Not only will these tax increases affect me, but they will also affect millions of future college graduates. Since college is already expensive, a rise in taxes will place a larger financial burden on those wishing to further their education in the future.

Because millions of jobs have been lost, finding lucrative job opportunities after graduation will be vastly difficult. Unfortunately, economists have claimed that a large quantity of jobs that have been lost have no chance in being reinstated, and it is discouraging to know that I will be graduating in a time of such high unemployment. This predicament presents a negative impact on the ability of millions of future college graduates, such as myself, in repaying their student loans after graduation. My sister fell victim to the economy because of her inability to find employment relevant to her career after graduation, and struggles to repay her student loans.

Due to the practices of financial institutions regarding mortgage loans and applications, first time homebuyers will have a difficult time meeting the stiffened requirements of obtaining a mortgage at a low interest rate when ready to apply. Additionally, the dwindling housing market will affect my ability to land a job in the geographical area of my liking. With that in mind, I hope the Federal government will implement another first time homebuyer's tax credit in aiding the purchase of my first home in a more attractive market.

Despite economic turmoil, I remain driven to follow through with my aspirations of receiving higher education. I hope to utilize the skills obtained in the rigorous college curriculum and apply my divergent and unique ideas in aiding individuals and corporations through tough economic times. Although the economy is weak, I am confident in my ability to excel as an outstanding leader while providing sound advice and service to those in need. The recession is a serious issue that affects not only me, but also the entire globe. However, I am diligent and confident in my ability to aid myself, and others, out of the recession, and gain economic stability and certainty.

I think you should say less of your opinions and more of how those beliefs have affected you. What grew from these opinions? Make this more personal. Tell us how these beliefs came about from your past experiences.

I agree. I will take that into consideration and re-do it.

I have revamped my essay and made it more personal. The first paragraph remains virtually unchanged, as I thought it explained the purpose and issue well. I have also included how I can work through these issues etc. Please read the revision and give me insight in how to strengthen it and overall critique. Thank you!

I have quotes to signify where it starts and ends because I've included some wording before and after the essay. Thank you so much for looking at my essay. When I am done reading your revisions and looking at my essay I will take a look at yours. Thanks!

Honestly, I don't like that sentence because you sound a little accusing and childish. I feel like that alone really halt the flow of your essay and doesn't contribute much to the overall topic.



Too long-winded, and if I was the admission officers, I'd think you're obviously trying to show off your vocabs w/ really long and complicated phrases and words. It's good to show off your vocabs but do it in a more subtle way.

Overall, you seem to be well-educated in this area; however, I find the essay a little bit competitive and boring. While the prompt ask about the issues that YOU are concern with, I think it would add much more depth and overall 'wow' effect if you relate how this issue will not only affect you but also millions other future college graduates