hello , I just changed like the following:
One agrees that the USA is the most developed country in the world and its' life standards and conditions of services are fabulously well than any other first world countries and these offer citizens, especially younger citizens like students, a healthy future and spacious job opportunities. Thereby they do not have inquiries about their future. They think the state/ government will help them and will put them into a good job even they do not have adequate knowledge about the work. This opinion drives students not to study enough and not to understand the importance of their studies. Every year there are almost two million high school students leave their schools. It can be determined as boring results or horrible statistics about USA educational system. As an international student, I would like to draw one's attention to the topic on which we should insist: "the quality of USA educational system in function of the competitiveness of daily life". For example, in my country (Turkey), our life conditions and job opportunities are not well developed and the people do not have any guarantee about their futures, they always cogitate the world in which they will work and live, even during the lessons; because they are scared about the reality of life and their parent's situation. They just want to survive in these hard circumstances. Only one official and accurate solution is offered: studying hard to get a good university, and after still studying hard to be able to get a qualified job. They only think about their studies, it is said that they became robots and they are programmed to study. Therefore, my country's university entrance exam is really competitive, one must be ranked first ten thousand students among two millions candidates if he/she would like to inscribe to a good university. Due to the circumstances that I told below, the students in Turkey should push their limits to be involved to a livable future.
To be well qualified before starting to university, I was interested in my school's European and individual projects. In one of them, our research offered a solution to a problem about our school's excessive heating. We presented the efficacious of using triple window and foam ceiling with a report to administration and they accepted our resolution. Thence, spending energy reduced by third. After this resolution is accepted, I fulfilled with the emotion to contribute and develop future's society as well as I did same to my school. Firstly, I though that I should study in a university like Rice, which already had became cradle of its field, to have adequate skills and knowledge for realizing my neo-projects in near future. Besides of this, I also have to receive a good training to enhance my intellectual ability in a case of being pioneer and leader in the future to my society and this can realize only with a particular good school.
Is it fit now ? or have I still need to revise it again?