Hello, yet again. Can you please help me with the supplements, or only one if you wish. You can choose which one. Thanks.
I mainly need proofreading, but any advice would be helpful.
College and Home
I have always been interested in science, but my AP Chemistry class jolted my enthusiasm towards chemistry. My teacher Mr. Feebeck showed me the importance of chemistry last year through various labs. Nothing appeals to me more than watching compounds undergo change and react to form new compounds. Particularly one lab sparked my interest in chemistry. (still thinking about what to do with the "particularly..." sentence)
As a replacement for the final exam, my teacher decided to give us large component labs. My lab was synthesizing soap through a process called saponification, and my variable was using different types of oils as key ingredients. I tested their acidity as well as the amount of scum each type of oil produced to see which oil would produce the best soap. Before this, I never thought I could make soap, or any type of household commodity on my own. If I, a novice chemist, could make soap, what could I make if I was an expert?
I want to apply to the Weiss School of Natural Sciences because I want to further my studies in the field of chemistry, with an emphasis on medical applications. With a top program in chemistry at Rice and a college system that fosters cooperation, there is no better place to study chemistry than at Rice.
why rice
Why would I not apply to Rice? I love how eighty two percent of all classes have less than thirty people in them. I am looking for a more personal, one-on-one approach to learning, and the smaller classes create a more personal learning atmosphere versus large lecture rooms. I love the Honor Code system. By understanding that there is a mutual trust and respect between the students and the teachers, Rice allows the students and teachers to focus more on learning and mastering the subject at hand rather than worrying if this or that student is cheating. Finally, the main reason why I want to apply to Rice is because of the Residential College system. An admissions representative even said the system is at the heart of the university. The residential college system fosters a sense of community and togetherness. I want to have famous professors and world renowned guest speakers speak at my school. I want to attend a top notch college, but I also want a home for four years as well. That rare combination of a college and a home has motivated me to choose to apply to Rice.Wow, I like that first sentence.. jolted my enthusiasm toward...very cool.
But is it necessary to name the teacher? I think the name might be an unnecessary detail that divides the reader's attention.
(still thinking about what to do with the "particularly..." sentence)--Just take it out and merge the paragraphs. That is how to "move things right along."
...undergo change and react to form new compounds. Particularly one lab sparked my interest in chemistry. As a replacement for the final exam, my teacher decided to give us large component labs. My lab was...
Second essay: use a hyphen for eighty-two.
But actually, I don't think you should even include that. Too often students repeat the same stuff they read on the website... it simply is not impressive to tell them you know about the small class sizes.
:-) you write very well!! It will be great if that second essay reflects a reason based on your career plan.
