Rice Supp -- How will you contribute to Rice?

"ĄHola amigo! żCómo se llama?" It was the second person that day who had uttered those same irritating words on my ear. Did they really not know that I spoke Portuguese instead of Spanish?

The exchange program had so far been more than what I expected. It was only my first day in a Canadian high school and already the unknown faces that passed by me at the hall smiled, waved and even welcomed me in slang. I had to admit that being a Brazilian had its advantages; they stared at me, not in a humiliating way, but as if I was the luckiest person in that room. After all, I was born in the land of the godlike soccer players and dwelled amidst the most seductive women on the face of the Earth.

But, I then realized that these stereotypical remarks were more than just joking statements, and instead reflected the little knowledge that students had about my country. The situation went from critical to dangerous the moment Peter asked, "Do you live in the Amazon forest? You know, with monkeys, and snakes and stuff?"

Fortunately, my exchange program enabled me to perceive that living in a different culture had made me more understanding to different traditions. Having experienced the Canadian way of life, I was more knowledgeable about their beliefs and accepted them more easily, for I knew what it meant to be a Canuck. With that in mind, I felt like it would be important for me to share some of my culture with by Canadian friends, that way opening their minds to the diversity of our human race.

I started talked about Brazil twenty-four seven; I showed people pictures of my hometown and even had my mother mail me a book about samba dance to share with my classmates. I taught them about Carnaval, about the strong influence of the Catholic religion in our culture and even dared to make some predictions about our economic growth. My mission culminated in a fifty-minute presentation for my IB Geography class about Bahia - the province I live in - and I left the country glad that my friends were becoming international students.

The truth is, though, that the world is big and my mission must continue. After this experience, I perceived that learning about other cultures helped people develop tolerance and respect, fostering a sense of cooperation that allowed me to preserve my Canadian friendships even after my departure. With technological advances sweeping away all boundaries, our world today is one broad community and its members must recognize that coexisting harmoniously is advantageous to all. By stimulating an atmosphere that values the mixture of diverging characteristics, communities avoid a "clash of civilizations" and guarantee the development of a deep-rooted sentiment of family defined by no particular trait other than being human. Through cultural acceptance, collective efforts generate more progress and human potential is no longer being wasted on the basis of irrelevant differences.

With that viewpoint, I trust that I will contribute to Rice University by promoting an environment that integrates minorities into all spectrums of the institution. One of the first actions I plan to take when I study in this college is participating actively in the Multicultural Community Relations, which seeks to enhance the relationship between the college and its smaller groups, both inside and outside the campus. Be it through luncheons, outreach programs or casual conversations with students, I hope to strengthen the Rice community in order to make sure that all have access to a fruitful college experience. One of the programs which caught my attention was the Empowering Leadership Alliance supported by Rice's Center of Excellence and Equity in Education. This initiative works to develop a national network of colleagues who share the common experience of being part of underrepresented groups at research institutions. By campaigning and sponsoring this project, I would be aiding undergraduates all across the nation who might be facing difficult cultural obstacles in receiving a bachelor's degree.

However, I could not forget to show my deep concern for a single aspect regarding Rice's social communities: it does not possess an association which I could be a part of. Being a Brazilian, I understand that I am a minority within minorities and thus, creating an organization specifically for the Luso-Brazilian population might prove to be a challenge. Nonetheless, one of the primary changes I shall promote within the university is widening the range of the Hispanic Association for Cultural Enrichment at Rice (HACER). Because the organization focuses solely on members belonging or descendents from Spanish-speaking countries, it unfortunately excludes the Brazilian community. However, if its spectrum were to expand - assisting individuals that instead fall under the broader "Latino" category - such problem could be resolved with a simple, yet efficient measure. By coordinating a combined effort between the Hispanic and Luso-Brazilian cultures, this new joint association would guarantee a bolder approach to promoting diversity within the Rice family.

I trust that one day, as I'm sitting down in the Academic Quad, a friendly Rice student will approach me and say, "Oi! Como vai?" and, when we're finished greeting one another, he'll ask me about the favelas and wonder how those shantytowns have emerged in the center of most Brazilian metropolises. I'll be glad to tell him all about it and I'll be even happier to know that I had helped my Rice community become international.

^'on' your ear?


^Godlike soccer players? Contrary to the common misconception, not all Brazilian footballers are 'godlike'.
who 'dwelled'? (Use the pronoun 'i' so it is clear)


^Whose beliefs are you referring to in the first sentence? The Canadians? in that case, make it clear instead of grammatically ambivalent.
Also, Canuck is a slang. The term you are looking for is 'Canadian'.
Your secend sentence, the third clause, needs grammar revision.
Also, just teaching your few friends about your culture does not open their minds to the diversity of the human race. The human race is much more diverse than just Brazilian culture, as there are many many many cultures in the world that differ from each other.

*Your essay seems ridiculously long. Are you sure there is no word limit?
i can not muster the strength to read through, and also, other people need some help on this site and i did help you yesterday :)

Good luck

For the second time that day, someone had uttered...

I think the first 2 paragraphs should be combined into one.

It is probably not good to objectify women in that sentence about "seductive women" ... and that is sort of sexist and sort of makes a generalization, like they are all seductive.. How about a different word?

However, I could must not forget to express my deep concern for a single certain deficiency within regarding Rice's social communities: it does not possess an association which I could be a part of specifically for the Luso-Brazillian population.

:-)

...second person that day who had uttered those same irritating words on my earto me . Did they really not know that I spoke Portuguese instead of Spanish?

But, I then realized(you don't want to start a sentence out with "But" because it's grammatically incorrect. Try something like "Eventually, I realized", etc) that these stereotypical remarks were...

Fortunately, my exchange program enabled me to perceive that living in a different culture had made me more understanding to(Grammatically incorrect. Try "about," "of," or "toward.") different traditions.

...I felt like it would be important for me to share some of my culture with bymy Canadian friends, that way opening(Grammatically incorrect. Try: "thereby opening" or "in order to open") their minds to the diversity of our human race...

...I started talkedtalking about Brazil twenty-four seven, (I would talk to your English teachers about what the rule would be for this phrase. I'm not sure if it's best to leave it the way it is or use the numerals/symbol of 24/7)

...about the strong influence of the Catholic religion inon our culture...

With that viewpoint, I trust that I will contribute to Rice University by promoting an environment that integrates minorities into all spectrums of the institution.("Spectrum" is inherently a singular concept. Try instead: "the full spectrum of life at the institution") .

Your writing from start to finish is strong, aside from some minor grammatical/translation errors, but I especially enjoyed your closing. It is a stroke of genius to start with the SPECIFIC programs on campus that you'd like to take advantage of/can contribute to and then take it one step further by specifying a change you would recommend to an on-campus community. This will give the reader a concrete example of your potential contributions to the campus and gives the reader the impression that you've taken the time to get to know Rice & what it has to offer. The very last paragraph could be developed further, but I like that you've taken your point to a more personal level. Keep it up, it's going to be hard to compete with you come deadline-time!