Writing Samples
We require that you submit two examples of writing, each to be between 200-400 words. For the first, write about a significant person and
that has helped define you up to this point in your life.
When others slumber alone or with their love, I lay beside my mother.
From hotels to rented apartment, there were so many rooms to describe, too many to recall of the times that my mother and I had shared bed, countless mattresses, and countless dreams.
My mother always looked 10 years younger than she is supposed to be. Her smile is the perfection. Lifting the corner of her mouth, it is the smile a young girl- with optimistic and sunshine. When I flipped through our albums, the smile is everywhere. She always seemed content, satisfied and joyous.
Perhaps is the procrastination of child, I had always envied my peers who had a space of their own. How nice it would be, to be able to decorate your walls, put posters on the ceiling and shining glitters stickers on the window? I was ashamed of our home, its tightness. Why can somebody else have a grand house of 3 bedrooms when I share not just a single cell but a same bed with mom? As much as I understand the hardship of a single mother, I was embarrassed and much more disappointed.
It was the new Chinese New Year. To the western world it was just another day. In China, there would be celebrations, festivals, family gatherings and red pocket money. My mother planned out a festive dinner for the jubilees after school and works. We'll have steamed fish for abundant wealth, four ginger and beet pork balls, a boiled chicken in broth, and stir fired sprouts, four dish signifies four seasons and will bring good luck all year long. It seemed that all was too happy, so a snow storm had to visit Toronto. Wind and snow blows with their extreme strength on our special day. The roads were dead; nobody had expected such a strong hit of snow. I was lucking enough to walk home before dark. My mother, along with a city of jammed buses and cars were stuck in the road with the heavy snow. I stared at the time, she's supposed to be back by 5:30, but it is already 8:00. I dialled her number: Where are you? Are you going to be back soon? What about our dinner?
I will be home soon, just hold on. I am almost a quarter of a way through!
A quarter? That would take another hour to get here according to today's speed. I looked out in the window; the falling snows had made the city misty as if it was covered in ash. Worried about her, I could not help but blame god for this rivalry weather, turned on the TV and hoped for a miracle.
Half an hour later, some one knocked, and it was my mother. When I let her in, she was covered in snow. Her black hat and jacket were almost completely white.
I figured the bus isn't ever gonna move so I decided to walk. Let's make dinner.
But, why? Its so cold, you shouldn't have...
Today is a special day; we shouldn't skip it any other way.
Our special dinner was prepared short, yet after hours of waiting both of us were starving. We lifted our bowls and took the first bite, and then my mom picked up the biggest pork ball on my rice.
Here, happy New Year.
From that point I realized my mother's secret forte. There is an quality that made her trample in snow field just to arrive for our dinner, for her long determination and hope for life. It is the love for me that stands behind her. The belief in the better future of me strengthens her back soul and lifts her up when she was weak and lonely. My mother did not throw away her accomplishments and wealth when she brought me to this country, she traded them with a much more valuable quality- love. Love bonds are the world's best anti-depressant. It is the motivation that keeps us charged. It is better than any thing in the world.
I begin to truly appreciate our single celled space we called home. That night, I lied closer to my mother.
I know it is very wordy to the point, but I don't know what part is OK to delete, any help? please?
That a really good essay. I don't know what part you should delete as it all seems necessary to make your point. I did however, make a few grammatical corrections.
When others slumber alone or with their love, I lay beside my mother.
From hotels to rented apartment, there were so many rooms to describe, too many to recall of the times that my mother and I had shared bed, countless mattresses, and countless dreams.
My mother always looked 10 years younger than she is supposed to be. Her smile is the perfection. Lifting the corner of her mouth, it is the smile a young girl- with optimistic (optimism) and sunshine. When I flipped(flip) through our albums, the smile is everywhere. She always seemed content, satisfied and joyous.
Perhaps is the procrastination of child, I had always envied my peers who had a space of their own. How nice it would be, to be able to decorate your walls, put posters on the ceiling and shining glitters stickers on the window? I was ashamed of our home, its tightness. Why can somebody else have a grand house of 3 bedrooms when I share not just a single cell but a same bed with mom? As much as I understand the hardship of a single mother, I was embarrassed and much more disappointed.
It was the new Chinese New Year. To the western world it was just another day. In China, there would be celebrations, festivals, family gatherings and red pocket money. My mother planned out a festive dinner for the jubilees after school and works. We'll have steamed fish for abundant wealth, four ginger and beet pork balls, a boiled chicken in broth, and stir fired sprouts, four dish signifies four seasons and will bring good luck all year long. It seemed that all was too happy, so a snow storm had to visit Toronto. Wind and snow blows with their extreme strength on our special day. The roads were dead; nobody had expected such a strong hit of snow. I was lucking enough to walk home before dark. My mother, along with a city of jammed buses and cars were stuck in the road with the heavy snow. I stared at the time, she's supposed to be back by 5:30, but it is already 8:00. I dialed her number: Where are you? Are you going to be back soon? What about our dinner?
I will be home soon, just hold on. I am almost a quarter of a way through!
A quarter? That would take another hour to get here according to today's speed. I looked out in the window; the falling snows had made the city misty as if it was covered in ash. Worried about her, I could not help but blame god for this rivalry weather, turned on the TV and hoped for a miracle.
Half an hour later, some one knocked, and it was my mother. When I let her in, she was covered in snow. Her black hat and jacket were almost completely white.
I figured the bus isn't ever gonna move so I decided to walk. Let's make dinner.
But, why? It's so cold, you shouldn't have...
Today is a special day; we shouldn't skip it any other way.
Our special dinner was prepared short, yet after hours of waiting both of us were starving. We lifted our bowls and took the first bite, and then my mom picked up the biggest pork ball on my rice.
Here, happy New Year.
From that point I realized my mother's secret forte. There is an quality that made her trample in snow field just to arrive for our dinner, for her long determination and hope for life. It is the love for me that stands behind her. The belief in the better future of me strengthens her back soul and lifts her up when she was weak and lonely. My mother did not throw away her accomplishments and wealth when she brought me to this country, she traded them with a much more valuable quality- love. Love bonds are the world's best anti-depressant. It is the motivation that keeps us charged. It is better than any thing in the world.
I begin to truly appreciate our single celled space we called home. That night, I lied closer to my mother.
Sorry I couldn't be more help but I really like your essay!
Shannon Bazinet
The hope of a better future for me strengthens her soul and lifts her up when she is weak and lonely. My mother did not throw away her accomplishments and wealth when she brought me to this country; she traded them for a much more valuable quality -- love. Love bonds are the world's best anti-depressants . Love is the motivation that keeps us charged. It is better than any thing in the world.
I begin to truly appreciate our single celled space we called home. That night, I lied closer to my mother.
I fixed the stuff above... also, I think you should be careful to be consistent with your verb tense... sometimes you switch from present tense to past tense and back again.
I don't know what part you should delete -- it is all SO good! I wish you didn't have to delete any.
thank you for the comment however I do have one IMPORTANT question, does this essay stays within the topic:
"Writing Samples
We require that you submit two examples of writing, each to be between 200-400 words. For the first, write about a significant person, circumstance, moment, idea, place, experience, or thing that has helped define you up to this point in your life. "
