Revision of my study objectives essay - Industrial Engineering

I would be very thankful if someone could send me any suggestion, opinion and if possible grammar help with my essay about my study objectives in a U.S. University.

I firstly demonstrated interest in the field of Industrial Engineering when I was 17 years old. I've started working in a textile manufacturing industry. I still work there and that experience of being inside of a manufacturing system makes me sure that this is what I want for my career. I'm currently studying Industrial Engineering at Centro XXX. My University is located in an industrial region and it has numerous partnerships with the local businesses, this way it can offer internship and employment opportunities for the students, what I believe to be very important in any knowledge field.

I work in the Production Planning Control Department, and daily I can notice problems that occur in a manufacturing system. With every passing day, grows more my interest in studying solution to solve this kind of problem. I believe that many medium/large-sized industries has deficiencies sizing and programming its manufacturing chains. Because of this, my field of greatest interest and that I intend to go deeper is Supply Chain Management. I have interest in studying how the many operations of a supply chain works and knowing them better I can plan them in a more effective way in the different situations. In order to reduce costs and increase profitability.

It's evident that every enterprise has as its major goal the profit. But to improve it diverse variants are important. Economic Engineering is a field that the industries care a lot about, after all without money no industry can survive. However, I think that most enterprises treat the Economic Engineering in a mistaken way. Many times they attempt desperately to cut costs of operations that are really important, when the wiser way would be to make investments and researches to analyze the points that can be improved to increase the profitability of the businesses.

In my University in Brazil, I have participated a study about data quality in the industry. I got the results and I conclude that the most part of data problems of a system are caused by human mistakes. Based on this, I have an interest in studying the personal factors inside of a industry. My experience points that the human problems are not well known by the enterprises. I believe that most problems can be solved with greater investment in the human resources area. I insist that a planning of training and motivation are really essential in a corporation.

It's easy to conclude that my major interests are the three fields that I mentioned before. Supply Chain Management, Economic Engineering and Human Resources. I believe that these three areas are directly connected and it's only possible to improve one of them if we work with the three in a general way. I think companies lose a lot of money because many times they are treating these fields equivocally and through investments and researches they can increase their gain very significantly. That's why my study objectives focus on these fields.

Your writing is good, however there are some mistakes in red that I have correct for you. And suggestions for improving word choice appear in the text underlined in blue.

I'm currently studying Industrial Engineering at Centro Universitário XXX. My University is located in an industrial region and it has numerous partnerships with the local businesses, this way it can offer internship and employment opportunities for the students, what I believe to be very important in any knowledge field.

. I believe that many medium/large-sized industries has deficiencies in size
In my University in Brazil, I have participated a study about data quality in the industry. I got the results and I conclude that the most part of data problems of a system are caused by human mistakes. Based on this, I have an interest in studying the personal factors inside of an industry. My experience points that the human problems are not well known by the enterprises.

That's why my study objectives focus on these fields.
believe that these three areas are directly connected
It's evident that every enterprise has as its major objective
insist that a planning of training and motivation
I hope this helps!

I work in the Production Planning Control Department, and daily I come across problems that occur in manufacturing system.


... I don't get your idea clearly :( Is this what you mean;
Each day I pass, my interest grows more and more in problem solving.