This is for the Common Application Essay, the topic was:
Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
I have clear memories of May school days filled with laughter and joy from everyone, except me. The teacher would always plan some cute little mother's day project, where we were instructed to write things like "I love you" and "Best Mom Ever". Yeah, right. I would sit there and imagine my mother's reaction when I handed her an "I hate you, you're the worst mom in the world" card for Mother's Day, complete with smiley face flowers and purple hearts. I knew that if I wrote that, my teacher would probably call my mom before I ever had the satisfaction of giving her the card, at which point my mother would probably make up some elaborate story to dismiss me. Instead, I would write "I love you, Best Grammy Ever", I figured it should at least go to someone that actually deserved it.
Nurturing, kind, patient; these are words one would typically use to describe their mother. Me? My mother could be described using words like callous, hateful, and deranged. To grow up in my mother's house was to spend every day in constant fear. I dreaded my dad going to work every morning to leave me alone with her for the day. School and my father's presence had become my only means of escape from her abuse. I tried to join every after school club I could in an attempt to lessen the time between when I got home and my dad got off work. On days with no after school activity, I didn't want to get off the bus, and sometimes I would get off a couple subdivisions early so I could walk home and delay the inevitable.
I was constantly walking on eggshells around her. My mom suffers from several mental illnesses, the most prominent being bipolar and multiple personality disorder. My dad had no idea what was going on until I was twelve, when he came home while she was mid-rampage. He had been completely oblivious to what was going on until it was right in front of his face. I was apparently a very accident-prone kid, always getting hurt "ice skating", "cheerleading", or "horse-back riding". She stayed with us another year and a half until she had woven a web of lies so thick that my dad was forced to kick her out.
As far as I'm concerned, I never had a mother. The only thing she ever contributed to my life was to make me feel unwanted and unloved. I never understood until I was older why she always targeted me, yet never hit my younger brother or sister. The years after she left were hard for me. I was depressed about how my life had gone up until that point, all I ever wanted was a normal home life, and it would never be normal. My friends would spend time shopping with their moms, which I would never experience; my teammates' mothers would always help out at our cheer competitions, which mine would never do. The worst part was that she left my seven year old sister without a mom either, so I had to step in to help her grow up with some shred of normalcy.
In the seven years since then, she's gotten help for her illness, and my siblings go visit her regularly. She has had another child, and had to prove to the courts that she would remain on medication and that she can be a decent mother. I refused any kind of contact with her for six years before I faced a serious dilemma. If I continued to completely shut my mother out of my life, I forfeited any kind of relationship with my half-sister. I didn't want to see my mother, but I realized that by refusing to see my sister, I would be causing the same emotions that my mother caused for me. As my half-sister got older and grew closer to my brother and sister, she would start to realize that I wanted nothing to do with her and on some level would probably feel unwanted and unloved, just as I had.
It wasn't a decision made overnight, but eventually I came to the conclusion that I couldn't do that to her. Despite my every hesitation, I decided to go to my mother's house. At first our interactions were very strained and awkward, but today I'm able to go over there for a few hours and at least tolerate her presence. I don't feel we will ever have that mother-daughter bond, but at least I'll have a bond with my sister, which is all I really care about.
My relationship with my mother has taught me many negative things about humanity, but I feel that it has made me a stronger person. Because of her influence, I have grown up faster than most people, and I've overcome things that many will never experience. I've become aware of what I never want to become, and it has inspired me to do whatever I can in life to make it worthwhile. I got a few positive things out of my childhood; I've always had to be very independent, and many years of after-school art club have fueled my creativity and influenced me greatly. I can't imagine my life being "normal" from the start, but if my mother had been different, I don't think I would appreciate what I have today. I want to do something great with my life, and I think I've chosen the perfect outlet to do that in. Thanks to my mother, I can handle whatever life throws at me.
Criticism is welcome, I'm unsure if this even gets it's point across?
Also, at 839 words is this too long? It said 250 word minimum.
I changed a few things, including adding a bit at the beginning. To me, I think it's a better attention grabber, should I leave it or take it back out?
Any suggestions to make this essay better? I'm worried that this isn't a good choice in subject matter, and I'm willing to start over if it's not the best essay. I'm just having trouble coming up with a better topic for the Common App essay because most of the things that make up who I am have already been addressed in my supplemental essays.
today I'm able to go over there for a few hours and at least tolerate her presence.
Ha ha, wow, at least it has a happy ending! :-) Well the good news is that you are quite the masterful writer. But you must know that already. The reader of this essay will know it, too, if s/he has any appreciation for artful sentence structures and cool expression of a point of view.
That is one half of impressing the AO reader. The other half is showing that you are very focused and approaching school in a purposeful way instead of being one of those kids taht just goes through the motions without real interest. Show that you are being proactive about setting goals to help you establish your career.
