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"Refusing Dante's Ash" - IU Bloomington


HILLYERWILL 1 / 1  
Oct 25, 2012   #1
Hey, I'm a senior in high school from Indiana and this essay is for IU Bloomington. There is no prompt or word limit, completely person essay ( there are 394 words total)

" Refusing Dante's Ash "

Has your mind ever robbed your eyes blind and halted your heart from delving into the opportunities that God has lain graciously down by your shivering body? Throughout history, how many times has man wished that his life would be made of his personal paradise he dreamt of the night prior? Mark Twain once stated: " You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus; and while the world spins man lets his hopes slip between his frigid hands." As the nights progress into days I let my world slip away and let my imagination drift to Dante's Inferno and forgot to wipe the apathetic ash from my clouding eyes. Over two years of ash continually sealed my eyes and slowly took a toll on my mind.

I am just 'another' student, one more statistic in the growing matriculation percentages with ash scattering his eyes. I was destined to walk those halls and leave them without the tiniest of traces. I felt at ease with sub-par, content with sinking below mediocrity and slept soundly with listless dissatisfaction resting between my warm sheets. This is how it was meant to be.

Is this truly and honestly how it is meant to be? Have I become submissive and has fate shown its course of action or is this just the ash speaking because I know my hopes are worthy! Give me a pen and I'll tell you all of my secrets. I whisper my thoughts with ink and wage war on my paper. The words endlessly flow exclaiming that one day these phrases and syllables will inspire generations. I am not another finger printless entity just waiting for the world to be handed to me and biding the passing time. I need to work hard because I have yet to be heard! I cleared the ash from my eyes and refocused my imagination back to my hopes and dreams.

​I refuse to accept and believe that I am just "another" student. Satisfaction has grazed my presence, changing my once grotesquely translucent opportunities from a diluted grey scale to vibrant fluorescents. I have a personal and academic Mecca ahead of me, but I am refusing Dante's ash and substituting it for my success because I am confident that my pen is adamant.
jchoe82 - / 3  
Nov 11, 2012   #2
the essay is nicely written, great syntax especially, but i feel that it becomes a but too descriptive, without really having a purpose - you kind of meander throughout, discussing what you aren't (ie another statistic, another person with ash in his eyes), and you don't focus enough on what makes you so different... remember - show, don't tell - be direct and explicit


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