Quest Bridge Essay #3
Pls, the essay could do a lot more with revisions and structure. It needs shortening as it is about 45 words above the mark. I would love constructive criticisms on it and know what to scrap and what to improve. I would also want an appropriate title. Please see if you return your critique before the end of tomorrow (Friday). Thanks as you review!!!
Essay Prompt:
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement or risk you have taken and its impact on you.
(500 word limit)
"ESSAY TOPIC"*
3 hours of sleep each day seemed to be enough for the most hectic week of my life. I had committed myself totally to my ROBOLAB project which was to make an RCX LEGO robot self-drive along a winding black track. I had accepted it voluntarily because it involved robots and programming but I did not envisage it would prove more challenging than the teacher had said. The black on white track was my adversary while the program, my weapon. The computer room had become another dormitory for me as I battled cold and accumulated fatigue; my eyelids resisted closing. The entire school was a silent, chilly graveyard; not a soul awake this night.
Whereas, sitting in front of the computer, I keenly looked at every step, every little detail on the algorithm chart, crosschecking with my newest draft. It was exact. I downloaded the program into the RCX and positioned it at the start of the track. I had repeated these steps over sixty times. I felt I had to get it right this time and I pressed 'run' as usual. The RCX started moving; it ran the straight track down but as it got to the bend, it did not turn right and missed the track completely. At this time, I was completely perplexed and frustrated by the whole project. As I pulled out my handkerchief to dry my sweaty face, a piece of paper fell out. I picked it up and nearly tore it in exasperation while trying to open it. I had written it days ago during my meditation and it said, "In all human affairs there are efforts, and there are results, and the strength of effort is the measure of the results.-James Allen"
Frankly, my readers might think it is fantasy but it had just happened to me. With new inspiration, I assertively told myself that I was not going to fail because giving up would mean I had accepted failure. I was going to try again and again until I succeeded. Unfortunately, I still could not do it. I kept failing over and over again up to about ten more drafts. I sat down, totally pensive, thinking of how it was going to work. No matter how hard this proved to be, I was dogged and persistent till I solved it. Then, like Archimedes shouted "Eureka" when he discovered the Archimedes Principle, I screamed something in and incredible spirit as an idea I felt convinced was my solution, sprung in my head.
Without delay, I instantly redesigned my algorithms; I didn't need a draft as my plan seemed to flow seamlessly through to the cursor. Everything just wanted to work. I repeated my 'preparation' steps enthusiastically. I pressed 'run' and that was it; with lightening speed, the RCX zoomed through all the twists easily and maintained the black track. As I watched this happen, rivulets of tears streamed down my cheeks; I was tremendously happy. I felt fulfilled because I overcame the challenge but it was sheer determination and resilience that kept me going. Since then, it has been my principle to strive diligently, persevering till the very end, knowing in my mind that my results are measured based on the strength of my efforts.
Thanks, I hope to see your critique!!!!I can tell you're excited about your interests, which is great. However, you could work a little on awkward phrasing and writing "I" at the beginning of most sentences. You've explained your experience and the outcome well, too, but I'd suggest working on the wording, such as finding more synonyms for repetition or making the essay flow.
I'd appreciate it if you gave your opinion on my QB essay #2, thanks. :)
