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Critical moment essay; Memory....is the diary that we all carry about with us


coriimon 2 / 5  
Feb 22, 2009   #1
React to a crisis or critical moment in your life at which time thinking as usual was no longer possible. SUch a situation may have occured after a death of a loved one, drastic move from one part of a country to another, or during a public catastrophe. Do not feel limited by these examples. Describe the event and tell us how it changed your thought process.

min is 250 words
"Memory...is the diary that we all carry about with us." Oscar Wilde. Through memories good or bad one may build on them to grow and bloom into a unique individual. The aftermath of September 11, 2001 not only saw the end to thousands of innocent lives but also saw an awaken and change for millions. These tragic events had a profound and diverse effect shaping one into a unique individual.

Parent's unconditional love for their kids could not shield the cruel, and harm that had occurred on September 11, 2001. Despite their parents' wishes, youths were stripped of naivety and exposed to the evils of reality. When the onset of the attacks occurred, parents called for their children including myself to be excused for the remainder of the school day. As a 5th grader, I smiled as I left school ignorant to what I would later witness on television. When arriving home, my eyes were struck with fear as I witnessed the collapsing of the World Trade Centers.

By watching countless broadcasts, I no longer was ignorant and learned that terrorism caused such events to transpire. My eyes had been opened to the evils of the world making me no longer believe in a world of happiness as depicted by Walt Disney World. Through I regret and sympathize for the loss of many casualties, I am no longer ignorant to my surroundings and as a result bloomed into a unique individual.

Thanks for your help and please give me your input also correct my grammar please
thanks
hannahaltheakay 1 / 2  
Feb 22, 2009   #2
there should only be 3 full stops in the first phrase. "..."not"..."
last paragraph - caused such events to transpire - doesnt sound too clear
"parents called for their children(add comma) including myself(,) to be excused for the remainder of the school day.
OP coriimon 2 / 5  
Feb 22, 2009   #3
thanks so much
OP coriimon 2 / 5  
Feb 23, 2009   #4
please I need more input
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 23, 2009   #5
Through memories, good or bad, one may build on them to grow and bloom into a unique individual.

The aftermath of September 11, 2001 not only saw the end to thousands of innocent lives but also saw an awakening and change for millions.

These tragic events had a profound and diverse effect of shaping one into a unique individual.

Parent's unconditional love for their kids could not shield them from the cruel, harsh circumstances of what occurred on September 11, 2001.

As a 5th grader, I smiled as I left school ignorant as to what I would later witness on television.

When Arriving home, my eyes were struck with fear as I witnessed the collapsing of the World Trade Centers.

Though I regret and sympathize for the loss of many lives, I am no longer ignorant of my surroundings and as a result bloomed into a unique individual.

I think the word "bloomed" would be better as "blossomed". What do you think?

This is a cool essay with a unique perspective.

:)
OP coriimon 2 / 5  
Feb 24, 2009   #6
thanks so much for your help I really appreciate all the grammar mistakes you corrected and all of your input ^.^


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