'raised in Shaheen Bag' - My World--- UVA Essay

Describe the world you come from and how that world shaped who you are.

As a typical eleven year old boy in Dhaka, Bangladesh, I was ecstatic when my parents informed me we were leaving Bangladesh and going to America. Five months later, we were boarding the airplane at Zia International Airport. I had never imagined airplanes to be so enormous; I always thought they were the same size as they were in the night sky. My world, eight-thousand miles away, has instilled values in me that will live forever. My world is so distant yet so dominant.

I was raised in Shaheen Bag, a middle-class neighborhood in Dhaka. Shaheen Bag was regarded elsewhere as a distinct community for exemplifying unity and social values. Family and community relationships were fostered by the many residents who were retirees of the Bangladesh Air Force; my father was actually one of these retirees. Everyone was united by a common purpose: family. Similar to my parents, every other parent in Shaheen Bag encouraged family values and cultures in their homes. Every Friday, we would attend community meetings at the local mosque to discuss education, family values, and culture.

My parents never let me feel the burden of sorrow. Recognizing the financial hardships of my parents and their sincere support for me significantly induced me to realize the importance of family. Growing up in Shaheen Bag taught me that my family is the most important thing in my life. I do not even dare to envision where I would be with no support from my family.

What do you think? Anything that must be taken off or must be added? I appreciate it SO much.

I think you should correct "one of these retirees" too "one of those retirees." You did a great job on elaborating how the social structure is in Shaheen Bag. Also I would recommend adding a little more length to you essay, it's a little short.

Thanks so much Kenneth! I would definitely read your essay tomorrow, when I have a chance, that is if you'd still need some proof-reading.

Thanks again :)