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Qualities, Influence of Family/culture/environment-UCF ESSAYS


LouisN 1 / 2  
Oct 7, 2010   #1
Essay: The personal statements are a very important part of your application. They assist the university in knowing you as an individual, independent of test scores and other objective data. We ask that you respond to two of the topics below. Your personal statement should be no longer than a total of 500 words or 7000 characters for both statements combined. The best personal statements are not necessarily the longest ones.

1. If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.
2. How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?
3. Why did you choose to apply to UCF?
4. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?
2. I wouldn't be where I am now without help from my family. They have been there for me every step of the way. From helping me get through problems in my life, to teaching me lessons that still follow me today, my family has been...

My family is full of strong individuals who have conveyed to me the importance of hard work and a good education. They have taught me to take the initiative and not be afraid to challenge myself with arduous tasks. My mother is Chinese but was born and raised in Guatemala and my father is of Jewish descent raised in Brooklyn, New York amongst a religious family and community. I am open to change and adapt to different environments because of the many ethnic groups I interact with in my daily life at home and school. Connecting to people comes natural, as I see them for who they are without judging them based on the color of their skin, religious beliefs, political views or economic background. Growing up celebrating Christmas, Passover, Hanukkah and Chinese New Year and traveling to various places in Central America, the Caribbean, China and Spain has bestowed upon me the open mindedness to embrace cultural differences and accept different views on things. My ancestors were immigrants who succeeded by enduring extreme circumstances and working hard, but have learned that working hard is no longer enough. Education is a luxury that you need to have if you wish to compete and succeed in today's society. I am thankful that education is a priority in my family. My family consists of writers, psychologists, lawyers, entrepreneurs, administrators, Hedge fund managers and even an engineer in solar energy. I have chosen to follow a career in computer science and UCF is the best place to go because it has a great program, the campus is beautiful and it is close to home.

My visit to UCF proved to be an enlightening experience as the diversity of the student body was impressive. My multicultural background allows me to have an understanding of people which has helped me to take root amongst my peers with ease. I have taken Martial Arts since I was 9 years old and have learned about responsibility, concentration, respect to others, discipline, integrity and control of mind and body. These qualities would not only aid me in my daily academic life while attending the University but also when participating in organizations and activities. I know I would make an excellent addition to the already superb community found at UCF.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 11, 2010   #2
I wouldn't be where I am now without help from my family. They have been there for me every step of the way.---- too obvious. Make every sentence count! These are too simple.

From helping me get through problems in my life, to teaching me lessons that still follow me today, my family has been there .--- No, no, still seems empty of meaning.

My mother and father constantly encourage me to be the best I can be, and I am thankful for it .
My family is full of strong individuals who have taught me to take the initiative and not be afraid to challenge myself with arduous tasks. ----Now this is getting better!!! Now the essay is having a theme. See? So start with this sentence!

They have also bestowed upon me the open mindedness to embrace cultural differences and accept different views on things, ranging from politics all the way to religion. ---good!!

This is a confusing way to start the essay: Before I knew it...

The determination to succeed and drive to accomplish things would make ----this is good, but can you be more specific? Let this essay be the essay of someone who has a vision for the future and very clear interests. Be specific whenever you talk about how the future will be.
OP LouisN 1 / 2  
Oct 16, 2010   #3
I really appreciate your comments and I have rewritten my essays. Please review and provide comments asap.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 20, 2010   #4
Connecting to people comes naturally to me, as I see them for who they are without judging them based on the color of their skin, religious beliefs, political views or economic background. -----good sentence! I just made a little change.

... cultural differences and accept different views on things.
(do a paragraph break here before talking about your family)
new paragraph: My ancestors were immigrants who succeeded by ...

Sometimes it is better to use 'enables'
My multicultural background allows enables me to have...

I have taken practiced Martial Arts since I ...

:-)
OP LouisN 1 / 2  
Oct 20, 2010   #5
Thankyou :)


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