Cornell's prompt:Describe your intellectual interest, their evolution and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Art and Sciences to further explore your interest, intended major or field of study.
My passion for psychology all started when I watched Color of Night, quite hilarious but true. Sitting there, watching the so-called "flopped" movie directed by Richard Rush with Bruce Willis as his main actor, I found myself drawn to the movie; from the depressed state at which Dr. Bill Capa (Bruce Willis) was when his patient committed suicide right in front of him, to the stoppage of Jane Marsh's characters' attempted suicide. I found it intriguing that someone could help change a person's personality for the better by just figuring his/her behavioral structure. I became intrigued with the scientific relevance to the human behavior, brain functioning, perception, motivation. I told my dad about this passion and he directed me to Cornell University. Knowing much about the school from his colleagues, he was very confident. I decided to satisfy my anticipation by researching about the school. Cornell's website brought a lot of interesting information to my knowing of the school. As I read about Cornell's outstanding philosophy, its diverse selections of courses and programs and its fervent devotion to the arts and sciences, I knew then that Cornell University is my choice.
Well I must say after that movie, I read any book that could feed my interest. I learned a lot about Psychology, I became interested in biology just to satisfy my knowledge about the human brain. Though in my school, psychology is not offered, I have made sure that my interest in this subject never dies.
My major line of study is Economics, but I know with Psychology I would be able to develop society in many other ways and I won't throw my intellectual interest into the waste bin. With help from the Cornell's diverse programs, I would be able to master the art of merging my sole love for Psychology with my career root-Economics. Having Psychology as my minor, the Department of Psychology would help by continuing the evolution of psychology in me, the diverse research programs would widen my horizon about this art and give me more insights. I have no doubts that the student body and staff at Cornell will help me achieve my goal.
Hi, I'm new to this site, so sorry if I'm not terribly great. I will try to be as honest as possible.
The sentence "Knowing much about the school from his colleagues, he was very confident" is awkward, like you're missing a word or two. You switch tense in your essay (I knew then that Cornell University is my choice). You also might want to refrain from using phrases like "a lot" multiple times. In your fourth sentence, you're missing the word "and."
You seemed to have just dropped economics into your response, so you might want to elaborate on that a little more.
Although you did mention what first drew you to Psychology, I feel like your explanation of your interest is slightly expected.
The last paragraph is, in my opinion, the best because it speaks the most specifically about Cornell.
Overall, I think that you have a good idea, but that your presentation is lacking passion and flow. If you change some of the transitions and alter your syntax/diction to show more of your character and interest, I think you could better your response.
I hope this helps!
Your essay is very good! I love how you drew the reader in with your introductory paragraph; but then it becomes just a bit flat. I am not saying that it isn't good, but just remember that you don't want to just ramble on and on. Besides that, your essay is fine ! :)
Your introductory paragraph definitely drew me in and excited me for what came afterwards, but the rest of the essay didn't quite live up to the expectation. The essay was great over all, but if you start out with an amazing introduction, the rest of the essay should follow suit.
You should focus more on yourself and how you think you would be an asset to Cornell (without coming across like you are bragging), rather than Cornell's amazing qualities/their opportunities offered. Talk about your love of learning, how you are a voracious reader ...And instead of telling how you became interested in psychology, show it. Use very descriptive language to describe your passions. Talk about how you want to serve others through psychology/counseling and your goals and plans...
Hello,
This essay is very juvenile and unfocused. Your are applying to Cornell, one of the nations premier universities. Your story needs to be much stronger. When they ask what is your passion, you need to support it strongly. Stating that a movie is the root of your passion is not advisable. Also, you ramble and jump around too much. Your connection between economics and psychology is not coherent. -admissionsadviceonline
Hope this helps
