Psych Major/Volunt Exp/Mothers PhD influence? - UC Transf. Prompt 1 & 2

I started working on my UC Transf Prompt 1 and I honestly am stuck and anxious and stressing instead of buckling down and writing.

PLEASE HELP ME!
SORRY FOR THE WALL OF TEXT :(

This is what I have so far what do you guys think I should Include/Remove?

Prompt #1 (transfer applicants)

What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.

"I chose to pursue an education is psychology because the human psyche has always fascinated me. As a child I enjoyed watching classic films with my mother and attempting to evaluate and interpret each character's development throughout the picture. I questioned the characters' behaviors and motives and discussed their drives with my mother. In addition, my mother impressed by her own experiences in her internships, without mentioning names, shared about her patients' with severe emotional conditions and different manifestations of mental illness. My mother's struggle through her graduate studies in psychology stirred my curiosity and played an important role in my interest in the field. I was inspired by her tenacity considering the challenges that she had to overcome in the doctorate program and still had to support me and herself as a single mother. She recently encouraged me to volunteer at a nursing home for psychiatric patients. The experience has further inspired me to work with patients on a delicate level. Coordinating with the activities director, I engage many of the residents in various physical and cognitive activities throughout the day and simultaneously observe their behavior. I had never worked with, let alone witnessed, psychiatric patients in the real world and my volunteering position gave me the opportunity to do so. My activities coordinator at the facility has commended my work and patience with the residents. I plan on pursuing a career in psychiatry and specifically working with patients suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. " 250 words :(

It's terrible I know :(

Any insight/advice would be greatly appreciated.

And for Prompt 2 should I focus on one single thing or mention 3.
My achievements that I am proud of are
1.GPA from 2.9 in HS to 4.0 in all of CC
2. A unique experience teaching a resident at the psychiatric facility how to play the nintendo Wii
3. Struggling with parents divorce

Ahhhhh I need to see a therapist right now for my anxiety!

Thanks guys!

EDIT:

This is what I have for a semi prompt 2 response so far:

Prompt #2 (all applicants)

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

"One of my disappointments has led me to achieve my greatest accomplishment. During high school I had too many interests and had a hard time focusing on a single goal. I couldn't find a clear path and struggled to build my personal roadmap. Towards the latter end of my senior year I realized that prioritize my goals. I knew that my true goal was to go to medical school so I buckled down and made education my number one priority. I began taking courses at GCC and received an A in every course thus far. This is a personal triumph that I am very proud of. I am also proud of assisting J. D., a resident at the VV Psychiatric Nursing Facility. Mr. D. is a gentleman in his 70's that suffers from dementia, depression, schizophrenia, and has history of suicidal tendencies. One of my most memorable events working with Mr. D. was when I taught him how to play the Nintendo Wii videogame system and how his positive response struck me on a very personal level. Mr. D. doesn't speak and his only form of communication is a slight grin towards his right cheek that is rarely witnessed. I witnessed Mr. D's grin that day. Being able to do this with an individual who does not communicate verbally moved me greatly. Even through these barriers we were still able to find common ground."

Please please please help I really need some guidance and am ok with any constructive criticism!!!

I just feel really really lost. Thanks!!!!

Your essays are good! I'm surprised how much you were inspired by your mother. You clearly share her passion. Was there another major influence? Your volunteer work is impressive.

Clarification and wording:


The second essay is OK without mention of 3. Just two little suggestions:
hard time focusing on a single goal. WAS THIS THE DISAPPOINTMENT YOU STATE IN FIRST SENTENCE? IF NOT, BE SPECIFIC HERE.

I witnessed Mr. D's grin that day. HOW ABOUT OTHER DAYS (SO IT CONFIRMS THAT HE WAS INDEED RESPONDING POSITIVELY CONSISTENTLY.

Scrap the first sentence and start with this one (above). Then, talk about how your evaluation of personality types evolved into an interest in (name a type of psychology).

You should specify a school of thought... like, cognitive psych, or psychoanalysis, or existentialism. Also, specify certain techniques: Maybe you are interested in REBT (Ellis) for example. Learn about a particular kind of psychology, and show that you are already being proactive about your studies!

Congratulations on writing a brilliant essay down below, there. I think the beginning is intriguing, and... the ending, though, the ending needs to finish by telling "how does it relate to the person you are" -- and that has something to do with the program into which you are enrolling.

Thank you both linkmark and EF Kevin. I really appreciate both of your responses and they both have geared me towards the right direction. Thanks for the complements they are reassuring!

EF Kevin (or anyone) I feel like my prompt 2 lacks a single theme. Do you think I should stick to talking about both of my accomplishments or stick to only one and expand? I am proud of both but I can't find an appropriate transition or a unifying theme to tie them both together and make the prompt more fluid.

Any suggestions?

Thanks again guys I really appreciate all your insight!!!!!!!!

No, I think it is great. You can tighten it up by adding another sentence or two -- sentences that tell how this reaffirms your resolve to pursue your intended major.

Towards the latter end of my senior year I realized that I needed to prioritize my goals. I knew that my true goal was to go to medical school, so I buckled down