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Proud of my ethnicity ("a proud Filipino") - UCF essays



patricia5827Threads: 4
Posts: 18
Author: Patricia Maloney
   
Aug 29, 2010, 05:42pm   #1
UCF Essay
Choose 2
1. If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.
2. How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?
3. Why did you choose to apply to UCF?
4. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?


2.
I am not Chinese. Nor Japanese. I am a proud Filipino, although my parents always limit my pride by saying I am just White. My mother being born in the Philippines, and my father being Irish, I am proud to have such a diverse ancestry. My mother's family and I always spend time together, and have gotten much closer. We always have traditional Filipino food , and I plan on trying to cook some on my own. I always try to learn Tagalog from them as well, and I have learned a couple words, and hope to learn much more. I have learned to be myself around others and to take pride in my ethnicity. On my father's side, he always gives me lessons on our bad Irish luck or stories back in his day, such as how he walked treacherous miles to school in the snow when he was young. Ironically, as I think how little Irish luck we have, I also think of how lucky I am to have a tight-knit family. Through every cross-country meet, chorus concert, and school play they were the first people I would see and always praised me. Through them, I have learned to never give up and that I always have them back to fall on. They have taught me that no one is perfect, and mistakes are made by everyone.

4. Throughout middle school I spent my free time drawing or doing homework while other kids played sports. I never followed the crowd, and loved to express my individuality to everyone. The studying paid off down the road, as I got a Who's Who Among Outstanding Students in America invitation. My creativity also has always been expressed through schoolwork. I wrote a poem for an English class in elementary school, and it won an Editor's Choice Award. At the beginning of high school, I never participated in school sports or interacted with school events. During my sophomore year however, I decided to push myself. I joined the cross-country team, as I felt that sport would challenge me the most. We ran anywhere from 3-7 miles in the bipolar Florida heat everyday. I learned discipline, moral, became part of a second family, and learned from my mistakes. I also joined the track time, while at the same time I auditioned for the school play and made both. I would run track one day, then go to play practice the next. Also, that year I joined the AICE program. I learned to balance school with sports, expanded my dedication, and became comfortable with multitasking. I have contributed much hard work and perseverance through school, discovered new talents, and I believe I can contribute a fun yet hardworking personality to UCF.



C02091937Threads: 1
Posts: 4
Author: Ryan Jones
   
Aug 30, 2010, 05:20pm   #2
2.
you said that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes, instead of saying something like that talk about how you fix your mistakes and overcome imperfection.

Always embellish the resolution more than the problem.

In the second to last sentence fix the order to, "have them to fall back on."

4.
Don't call the Florida heat bipolar, use fluctuating or unpredictable (nice personification though).

patricia5827:
I learned discipline, moral, became part of a second family, and learned from my mistakes.

change this to morality or character

patricia5827:
I learned discipline, moral, became part of a second family, and learned from my mistakes.


Make these two into two new sentences; something like, "I also made new friends who later became part of a second family. This team also taught me to learn from my mistakes and correct my flaws quickly and efficiently."

Remember, don't be afraid to exaggerate your abilities slightly just not too much.


EF_KevinThreads: 33
Posts: 14,154
Author: You can help a lot of people by visiting the "Unanswered" threads!
 Likes 4  
Aug 31, 2010, 12:59pm   #3
I am not Chinese, nor am I Japanese. ----- this makes it a complete sentence.

I am a proud Filipino, although my parents always limit my pride (I wonder what you mean by this....?) by saying I am just White.

They have taught me that no one is perfect, and mistakes are made by everyone. --- how does this affect the way you will approach your career? Can you make room for a few sentences about the implications for your career?

The second one is not bad, but I wish you would cut out some sentences from the first half, some sentences that are not really necessary. Make room to discuss an insight about how running and studying share a common meditative quality and tell about specific ways you might positively influence others. For example, they might see the way you arrange your schedule to accommodate running and also studies, maybe combining them sometimes.




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