Write about a time you had to make an important decision.
(I'm not entirely sure how long the essay is supposed to be, so it'd be great if I could get some feedback on the length and content!)
You could argue that the decisions you make in high school are what shapes your professional and personal life until retiring at sixty-five. Think back to who you were at thirteen, how ridiculously immature you were and your career aspirations to be something even more silly. Now imagine being stuck with that at forty - because your high school teacher led you to choosing the least useful subjects to put to use in the reality of being an adult.
Sitting with a piece of paper, littered with ill-organized columns of subjects, and a pen - I wish someone had told me how important this flimsy paper would be later in my life. Teachers would tell me that I was over-stressing it and should, "Just take what interests you, it's not that important." But then again, the same person I'm quoting couldn't even spell his own subject without having to check the title of the course book.
Telling someone with an interest in law to take NQ Introduction to Hospitality instead of the necessary subject of Business Management is downright irresponsible. While enjoying the work is a major factor in choosing subjects, it should not be the only factor. Challenging yourself in a subject you have an interest in is a fantastic approach to take when doing this, taking classes that you'll need to get into university or whatever you want to do after high school - this is what we need to train our high school teachers to tell thirteen-year-olds.
Looking back on the process of choosing my qualifications, I can see all the little factors that build into making the awful decisions that I did. Peer pressure to not be the only person with no friends in a class - Home Economics instead of History, the subject I actually wished to take, because a friend "didn't want to be 'dingied'" - or my mother pushing me to take classes in a foreign language that I was awful at, because it would make me look smarter. Perhaps my mother had the better intention on that front.
In an ideal world, children would be allowed to choose their own subjects without any awfully unjust pressures from anyone but themselves. A thirteen year old wants to be a doctor - they'll take all three sciences if you show them what they need to get into university for their subject. But if they want to take photography, let them take photography. High school is important - but it's not so important that kids should be overloading themselves with so much work that they can barely breath.
Is this for the common app? The essay should be between 250-700 words.
With your first sentence, try to avoid using "you"; "you could argue that..." "think back to a time that you..." etc.
I like your second paragraph better than the first. Maybe you could just start with that?
I feel like your essay is more of a critique on your teachers actions, or the decisions of your friends, rather than an important decision that you made. In a way, your essay is actually about your poor decision making! Saying that you caved to peer pressure, practiced poor decision making, and were bad at language classes aren't exactly selling points. Try to imagine that a college admissions officer is reading your essay. What have they learned about you as a person?
Just my thoughts! I hope I didn't come off as rude!
