Please help me with my college application essay. I am happy with it but i have not had someone look at it
Thanx!
I believe that Literature is the soul to the imagination. I may be mistaken, but that is the allurement of literary words. There is no truth, no right nor wrong, yet there is just about everything to learn on life. Miss Brown, my form four English teacher, has really inspired me in ways I never though were possible. She was definitely one in a billion.
Before meeting Miss Brown, I had absolutely no interest in Literature. She was a tall, slender, blonde woman, with many life experiences: from working in South Africa during apartheid times, and enduring breast cancer. Before my introduction to her, the only books I considered worthwhile to read were my science and history books. It may have been because I was never good at annotating poems, let alone understand a phrase written by Shakespeare. Also reading a fictitious book bored me to death. Finally, being forced in form four, without any way out, to do a subject I had no idea how to work around for Cambridge final exams was terrifying. I simply accepted that there will be D grades in all my report cards.
During my first Literature lesson, I was mostly inattentive. But because Ms Brown was pleasant and funny, I actually had minute memories of when I was fully alert and following along. After lunch, I returned to my room in the brown-walled, loud boarding house. I began revising the notes she had handed out. To my surprise, I had understood most of the notes. But what really befuddled me was getting a B plus for the first Literature test. At that moment I concluded that I am actually not disastrous in Literature; with continued reading, I could actually get my intended A grade. Or it may have been the excitement of knowing I had understood the subject for the first time. I do not know, but for sure Ms Brown was not like any other teacher I have met with her skill for making Literature classes sensible. What really makes me admire her is that she made me fall deep in-love with Literature with a smile and whilst fighting against breast cancer! She was always in class whenever she was not ill even if we remonstrated that she take a break; She would always say in an imperturbable tone, "I do not want to impoverish your chances of getting your deserved grades in your final exams," if telling us how much our parents are paying per lesson. How strong can a person really be?
Although I did not develop an interest in Shakespeare and Aristotle, prosaic authors such as Danielle Steele, Stephanie Meyer, Shawn 'Jay-Z' Carter and anonymous authors became my heaven; each author has a story to tell that helped me gain a different outlook on life. For example "Wings" by Danielle Steele has probably had the strongest influence in my life. It is based on a girl, Cassie O'Malley, who endeavors to get into aviation as people did not see it fit for a lady. Her own father, who owned an air strip, did not believe that she should be flying around; instead he believed Cassie should be married. Because of the book, I have kept the desire to become a cardiologist close to my heart regardless of the time it may drain from me, and the number of people who believe it is not a career for women.
Because of Miss Brown's knowledge here and there in various languages, she has encouraged me to put down the English novels to concentrate on learning German and Spanish. Although it will not be an easy road, I know very well the languages will become useful in the future. She witnessed the Apartheid times and beat breast cancer, why should I not be able to learn two new languages?
Some edits:
from working in South Africa during apartheid times, andtoenduringnot sure if this is the right word...maybe overcoming? breast cancer.
Finally , being forced in form four, without any way out, to dostudyaan unfamiliar subject I had no idea how to work around for Cambridge final exams was terrifying.
I do not know what don't you know? I think this phrase doesn't really add anything to the sentence , but for sure Ms Brown was not like any other teacher I have met, with her skill...
What really makes me admire her admirable
anonymous authors became my heaven "heaven" is an odd word to use here...maybe you mean inspiration?
Because of Miss Brown's knowledge here and there in various languages
I'm also applying to Princeton - can you take a look at my essay as well? thanks :)
Hi there.
Other than the ones suvvy pointed out, I only found one part I felt should be changed:
"She was definitely one in a billion."
I think this is a bit of a cliche saying. I think you should replace it with a more creative sentence.
For an overall opinion of the essay I think you did a wonderful job writing about that describing Miss Brown and tying it with your future goals. Good luck!
"Because of the book, I have kept the desire to become a cardiologist close to my heart regardless of the time it may drain from me, and the number of people who believe it is not a career for women."
I don't understand the significance of "and the number of people who believe it is not a career for women." You could just end the sent. right before that clause. :-) otherwise nice essay.
