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Prepare to serve - a medical practice in an underserved area



sad_an6elThreads: 5
Posts: 14
Author: SA
   
Aug 17, 2009, 11:47am   #1
2. How have your experiences prepared you for the challenges of a medical practice in an underserved area? (1900 characters)

My diverse background gives me the ethnorelative preparedness and desire to fill the gap of healthcare in areas stricken by poverty, lack of education and social inequity. Living in various countries, I identify with different healthcare systems that impact patient care and how traditional and Western medicine often conflict with one another. Most importantly, I recognize the cultural differences, socioeconomic and political elements that greatly impact inequities in ones wellbeing and access to healthcare. Within such limited resource setting, it is critical for me to maintain a positive attitude and flexibility when applying decision-making.
Eager to gain hands-on experiences, I specifically chose to work with physicians serving the low-income communities—an academic physician, internal practitioner, emergency hospitalist and a dermatologist, respectively. By spending concentrated time with each physician, I witness firsthand the demands and rewards of different medical professions. I also noted the difficulty of balancing many relationships: with patients, nurses and social workers, as well as hospital administrators and insurance carriers.
I did not anticipate that the Emergency Department has become the all-too-frequent source of basic care for poor patients. My previous interpreting experience became very helpful when it comes to connecting with the underprivileged families at the hospital who needed assistance in dealing with system complexities, such as insurance or language barrier. Emergency medicine prepared me for the fast paced yet highly rewarding profession where I get to see the results of interventions almost immediately. I learn to be spontaneous and possess the physical stamina to multitask. I learn good bedside manner and communication by emulating compassionate physicians.
My desire to interact with people and understand their background stemmed from my exposures to poverty and violence during my childhood. The years of struggle have left me with an inner strength I can rely on. The opportunity to serve the vulnerable is not only a gratifying way for me to give back, but also a chance to encourage those who identify with me. This special connection is vital towards inspiring motivation and possibility. Listening to their stories grant me the empathy and inspiration to step out of my comfort zone.
The progressive leadership and commitment for underserved areas were reinforced when I joined Biology Scholars Program. I learn effective interpersonal approaches of delivering materials in communities with limited literacy through mentoring underprivileged youths at FACES. From the homes I built for Habitat for Humanity, to the hot meals cooked for the homeless, these personal encounters gave the reverence to treat each person with dignity. And though I may be a good teacher at Sunday School, I sharpened my leadership skills while serving as vice-president of Phi Theta Kappa Honors Society.
Serving the underserved community has proven to be an honorable and rewarding career that will afford me a lifetime of leadership and learning.



LiebeThreads: 4
Posts: 749
Author: Faisal, Essayforum.com Contributor
   
Aug 17, 2009, 01:08pm   #2
My diverse background gives me the ethnorelative preparedness and desire to fill the gap of healthcare in areas stricken by poverty, lack of education and social inequity.

Living in various countries, I identify with different healthcare systems that impact patient care and how traditional and Western medicine often conflict with one another.

Having lived in carious countries, I can identify with different health care systems and how traditional and Western medicine often conflict with one another.
^Well it is kind of a given that Western medicine, which tends to be modernized and constantly updated with modern research, will be different to old remedies.


Most importantly, I recognize the cultural differences, socioeconomic and political elements that greatly impact inequities in ones wellbeing and access to healthcare. Within such limited resource setting, it is critical for me to maintain a positive attitude and flexibility when applying decision-making.
^Not really answering the essay prompt. If you want to include this, at least express it effectivey.

Eager to gain hands-on experiences, I specifically chose to work with physicians serving the low-income communities—an academic physician, internal practitioner, emergency hospitalist and a dermatologist, respectively.
^Did you work with all of these in low income communities, or only the physicians?


By spending concentrated time with each physician, I witness firsthand the demands and rewards of different medical professions
^Different medical professions?

. I also noted the difficulty of balancing many relationships: with patients, nurses and social workers, as well as hospital administrators and insurance carriers.

^Not really relevant to the essay prompt in my opinion.


I did not anticipate that the Emergency Department has become the all-too-frequent source of basic care for poor patients. My previous interpreting experience became very helpful when it comes to connecting with the underprivileged families at the hospital who needed assistance in dealing with system complexities, such as insurance or language barrier. Emergency medicine prepared me for the fast paced yet highly rewarding profession where I get to see the results of interventions almost immediately. I learn to be spontaneous and possess the physical stamina to multitask. I learn good bedside manner and communication by emulating compassionate physicians.
My desire to interact with people and understand their background stemmed from my exposures to poverty and violence during my childhood. The years of struggle have left me with an inner strength I can rely on. The opportunity to serve the vulnerable is not only a gratifying way for me to give back, but also a chance to encourage those who identify with me. This special connection is vital towards inspiring motivation and possibility. Listening to their stories grant me the empathy and inspiration to step out of my comfort zone.

sad_an6el:
How have your experiences prepared you for the challenges of a medical practice in an underserved area

^How has any of the above prepared you for the challenges? You ramble on what you have learnt, which is not what the essay prompt is asking for.


I suggest you revise your essay. A lot of it is already questionable.


EF_SeanThreads: 6
Posts: 3,666
Author: Sean, EssayForum.com
[Moderator]   
Aug 17, 2009, 03:42pm   #3
sad_an6el:
My diverse background gives me the ethnorelative preparedness and desire to fill the gap of healthcare in areas stricken by poverty, lack of education and social inequity


This sentence sounds incomplete, because of the first "the."

Never mind. I just finished reading your essay, and editing specific sentences is pointless. The entire thing needs rewriting. I can't picture a single experience you had, or see how it affected you. You write in terms that are far too abstract and vague for this sort of prompt. Try writing a short narrative anecdote for each experience you want to mention, one that shows rather than tells the reader how it has prepared you to serve. Then write a new essay around those anecdotes.


EF_SimoneThreads: 3
Posts: 2,094
Author: Simone, EssayForum.com
[Moderator]   
Aug 18, 2009, 07:50am   #4
sad_an6el:
Living in various countries, I identify with different healthcare systems that impact patient care and how traditional and Western medicine often conflict with one another.

What you want to do here is list the countries in which you have lived and then give examples of your experiences with health care in those countries.
sad_an6el:
Eager to gain hands-on experiences, I specifically chose to work with physicians serving the low-income communities—an academic physician, internal practitioner, emergency hospitalist and a dermatologist, respectively

Where? When? Specifics! Specifics!


kritipgThreads: 1
Posts: 76
Author: Kriti P.
   
Aug 18, 2009, 08:44am   #5
I think this is great stuff. You sound sincere, and the experiences you've had are all really relevant to what you want to do. You obviously didn't do all this stuff to pad your college application; you did it because it's your passion. And you seem like a great learner, because you've put across what you gained from these experiences really well. You gained things that most people wouldn't.

Maybe you want to work on structure, making sure that your intro and conclusion tie back into the essay prompt, the paragraphs have supporting details, etc. etc. The moderators and others specify this better, and noticed more; the only negative thing I felt while reading was that there was a little missing in the structure.

But I didn't want it to remain unmentioned that this is a great essay because your experiences, what you gained from them, and your sincerity really shine through.. :)




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