Unanswered [9] / Featured [1] / URGENT [0]   

    help     or  

Essay Forum / Undergraduate Essays /      

'Playing Table Tennis' - Significant Experience/accomplishments



tazmania123Threads: 1
Posts: 1
Author: Mariel Tagaza
   
Aug 15, 2012, 09:11am   #1
Hi so i just made my essay and im not good in English so please help me with my grammar and rephrase the ugly sentences. thanks! and btw, i dont have a title yet. any ideas? thank you so much!

To know oneself is the hardest lesson in the world, you need to know what you're capable of and what feelings you have. Knowledge is power, but the greatest power is self-knowledge. If you do not really know much about you, how can you appreciate others? Most important, how can they value and appreciate you too?
I still remember how I was too bored listening to the discussion my teacher back when I was in Kindergarten. I was really annoyed at my teacher's voice; it's like a lullaby that's making me fall asleep. I even asked my seatmate one time to just play with me instead of listening to our teacher but unfortunately our teacher had caught us. You may think that I hate going to school, but I don't. I love going to school but learning is not the reason. I go to school because I like watching people playing this sport that has changed my life, Table Tennis. I didn't know how to play it that time. I have no idea how to hold the racket and how to serve. I only knew how to watch people playing it. After classes I immediately run outside and just smile while listening to the bouncing of the ball. I don't know if it's just me but the sound of the ball bouncing attracts me. My Kindergarten life was colorful because of that sport.
I forgot why I had stopped obsessing or had lost interest in Table Tennis when I turned six, which was when I was already in Preparatory. But all I know is that was the time when I started having interest in Taekwondo. I asked my mother to enroll me in a Taekwondo class, she agreed and I was very happy. But after a month, I stopped. I was crying to my mother when I said that I don't want to be in a Taekwondo class anymore because someone kicked my right thigh.
I started obsessing to Table Tennis again back when I was in Grade four. There was a try-out in our school so I joined. I had no background in that sport but luckily, I was one of the students who had chosen among many students. I couldn't believe it! It was my first time to hold a racket and then suddenly, I'm in the team! We had training every afternoon and that started my focus on the sport. I even asked my parents to buy me the expensive table. The time had come for me to compete for the sake of our school. But sadly, I didn't win. I was crying and thank God my mother was there to comfort me. We were already in our house but I was still crying.
Playing Table Tennis at home and school brought me to every part of Central Luzon as a delegate in Central Luzon Regional Athletic Association or CLRAA as one of the representative in my elementary school, even until now. I'm a consistent varsity player from Grade Five until now. Even if my schedules are hectic because of the training, I never forget to study my lessons. I'm a consistent honor student from Grade three to Grade six and from Second Year to Third Year.
I personally believed that the more I know about myself the happier I am. I am sure of my abilities as well as my weaknesses. I am proud of my achievements and strengths because I worked hard for those. All of this serves to help me try to become a better person, as well as gives me a high self-esteem. I am proud of certain things about myself and I think everyone should be able to point to something they really like about themselves, no matter what it is.



Jennyflower81Threads: -
Posts: 879
Author: Jennifer Reeves
 Likes 85  
Aug 15, 2012, 02:00pm   #2
Here are a few suggestions to change your grammar.

To know oneself yourself is the hardest lesson in the world, and you need to know what your capabilities of and what feelings. you have. Knowledge is power, but the greatest power is self-knowledge. If you do not really know much about yourself, how can you appreciate others? More importantly, how can they value and appreciate you too as well?

I still remember how I was too bored listening to the discussion my teacher's lesson back when I was in Kindergarten. I was really annoyed at my teacher's voice because it was like a lullaby, that's making me want to fall asleep.

At the time, I didn't know how to play the game. it that time. I had no idea how to hold the racket and or how to serve.

After class, I would immediately run outside and just smile while listening to the bouncing of the ball. I don't know if it's just me, but the sound of the ball bouncing attracts me. was music to my ears.


admission2012Threads: -
Posts: 404
Author: Kevin Jackson - AdmissionsAdviceOnline.com Skype 24/7 @ Admissions_essay_advice
 Likes 61  
Aug 16, 2012, 09:09am   #3
Hello Mariel,

Is this essay for University Admissions? If so, you need to shift focus. As it stands now the majority of your essay is about your younger years. It is acceptable to write about how your interest in table tennis came about, but it should be in context relative to time. That is to say, the older an experience is, the less amount of space you should dedicate to it. So for this essay, you should sum up everything from your younger years in one or two sentences at the most. Then you should spend the rest of the essay developing how table tennis has helped you recently. As it stands now, the essay reads as though you are applying for admissions to middle or high school and you never want a university admissions officer to think that.

Hope this helps.




Essay Forum / Undergraduate Essays / Unanswered [this forum] / Featured / Similar

Similar discussions:


Random: IELTS: Expenditure on fast food by Income groups in UK; hamburger and pizza


This thread has been closed.

Home - Search - About Us - Faq - EF Contributors - Contact Us

Copyright © 2006-2014 EssayForum.com  Disclaimer, Privacy Policy, TOS  EssayForum RSS