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plain awesomeness,How family history/culture/environment influenced who you are

lyzzyestradaThreads: 1
Posts: 1
Author: Elyzabeth Estrada
Jan 2, 2010, 11:51pm   #1
Who am I? I am Elyzabeth, UrbanDictionary.com definition: plain awesomeness. But according to my Latino family, I am Elyzabeth, the first to graduate from high school with a chance of going to college. In itself, bearing this title is very exhausting, considering that without education all my chances of succeeding in this world point toward the stereotypic home-cleaning and lawn jockey industry. Growing up in a single parent household, I have experienced struggle first hand. I've watched my mother struggle financially mainly due to her lack of a higher education. I know what it's like to not have everything given to you, but with the desire to one day provide for my mother, like she has done for me; the desire to hold a diploma, knowing that I earned it for myself, I was consumed by the thought. "Ju need tew estudy. Ju can do it." And with those simple words I made it my responsibility to succeed in all aspects of life, to prove to the world that Latinos are more than just statistics. Yes, we are a minority, in the sense that we are that little fragment of hope when you are in doubt, but from doubt comes dreams, and dreams are powerful. I've become involved in the community to teach others, like myself, the importance of education. I am a representative of the student government in my high school to be a voice for those who cannot speak for themselves. Yes, I took the initiative to apply for college, the path for a better future, but this act of perseverance will be not awarded solely based on that, it must be earned. I know it's going to be very hard, and I'm going to have to work at it every day, but in the end, I know it will have been worth it when I hear the words, "I am very prowd ov ju."

So reading back on this, I'm not sure if I've answered the prompt :(

meisj0nThreads: 9
Posts: 360
Author: Jonathan Hsu
 Likes 2  
Jan 3, 2010, 01:33am   #2
is the question how has* family/culture/...?
In itself, bearing this title is very
Bearing this title...lawn jockey-haha,
Ju need tew estudy. Ju can do it."
, to prove to the world that Latinos are more than just statistics.
and prove* to the...
little fragment of hope when you are in doubt
the 'you' can be changed out.
if you want, explain more than just being a voice, explain how you did that...
what did you mean by path of perseverance?
why the slang? to emphasize your Latino background?
You can talk about that...about how this is you culture, your background, how people in you community aren't educated in the way that the majority is? that this is the culture you come from. The urbandictionary thing...is that also part of your culture? You don't really mention environment, but I'm not sure you have to. You do address how you've been motivated to do things differently, but can you make that more clear? The who you are part of the prompt you did answer I guess..

what was the actual prompt for this?

EF_KevinThreads: 33
Posts: 14,155
Author: You can help a lot of people by visiting the "Unanswered" threads!
 Likes 4  
Jan 11, 2010, 11:02pm   #3
Very nice essay, Elyzabeth.

I've watched my mother struggle financially mainly due to her lack of a higher education.-----------> well, if you somehow end up facing adversity that causes you to be unable to go to college, remember that among the most successful, wealthy people in the country a large percenatage of them are entrepreneurs with no higher education at all. So... don't believe the hype! However, college is good.

This should be divided into paragraphs. I love every sentence, but use one paragraph for each idea, and let the first sentence of each para be a topic sentence that expresses the main idea of the para.

Please help some other people with their essays so that they can write beautifully, as you do.

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