overall, i think this is pretty good. just a few things..
Their finger movements were like
spiders, moving up and down the piano with stealth. That
was my cue to follow the path of music.
I developed my passion for music by auditioning for orchestras, playing in
the school orchestra
in the course of the ubiquitous music
hope that helped! good luck and if you get the chance, please take a look at my essay as well!