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Personal Growth (Application for Re-Admission to LeMoyne College)


npink18 1 / 3  
Aug 31, 2009   #1
Hey I'm re-applying to LeMoyne College. I spent my first year at LeMoyne and then transferred to our local community college. The second semester of my first year I let my grades slip. I was actively involved and had a lot going on but I really wanted to address everything and how I have grown since spending a year off the LeMoyne campus. PLEASEEEE give me any feedback, positive or negative. I would love to be readmitted.

PERSONAL STATEMENT: Please discuss your reason for leaving LeMoyne, and your reason for returning.

A lot could be said for why I chose to leave LeMoyne College, but all that comes to mind is the disappoint I have thinking about the year I missed out on attending the home of the dolphins. My second semester, spring 2008, was rough. Trying to juggle a full time education, two jobs, family life and simply growing up, was starting to catch up to me. I ended that semester with a rather low GPA, which didn't go unnoticed by me...or my parents. I made a conscious decision that this wasn't how I was going to live my life and that it was time to take responsibility for myself.

...
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Aug 31, 2009   #2
What I suggest you do is make this less rambling. Lead with this sentence:

While I attended LeMoyne I was an active member in Student Senate and Pre-Law Society, and although I wasn't 100% happy with the major I had declared at the time, the professors, faculty and staff were nothing but helpful and extremely talented.

Trim everything else into a more concise narrative. Keep the details; just get rid of the overly relaxed phrasings such as "Alot could be said for."
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Aug 31, 2009   #3
A lot could be said for why I chose to leave LeMoyne College, but all that comes to mind is the disappoint I have thinking about the year I missed out on attending the home of the dolphins. My second semester, spring 2008, was rough. Trying to juggle a full time education, two jobs, family life and simply growing up, was starting to catch up to me. I ended that semester with a rather low GPA, which didn't go unnoticed by me...or my parents . I made a conscious decision that this wasn't how I was going to live my life and that it was time to take responsibility for myself.

I was unsure of my major, Political Science at the time, and I was unsure of the career that I had chosen for myself. Attending a year at our local community college, OCC, seemed like a logical choice, and the best decision for me.
^Why would it be a logical choice?? I suggest you clarify that point over here.

Maybe I had spent too much time considering what other people wanted, and not enough time thinking about what I wanted. So I used my time at Onondaga Community College to regroup, reassess my life, and focus on my education.

After completing spring 2008 at LeMoyne, I found a thousand and one reasons to blame my somewhat unsuccessful semester on. A year ago, money troubles, my family, my friends, my professors and my boyfriend were all responsible for the weakest moment I've experienced in my educational history. However, I've spent a significant amount of time realizing that at the end of the day,realized that I have to be able to live with myself and the choices and decisions I make. I take full responsibility for a low GPA and low self-esteem when I left LeMoyne, but I've come a long way since then.

*In reference to the part in bold, how exactly were these people responsible?
It just makes the reader want to know why. However, since no explanation is offered, it lead me as a reader to think that perhaps you are exaggerating? Specifics would prevent that however.

I have grown as a student, and as a person. I know now that I want to be involved in changing lives.I want to be involved in the education process and LeMoyne College represents an institution where I can do so. It's going to take a lot of work, perseverance and drive, and maybe some of the same challenges I once faced will surface again. However, I am now equipped with the skills I need to rise above any difficulties that are thrown my way.


^The part in bold, I did not get.
Also, in your earlier paragraph, you say youve come a long way since then. Yet in this new paragraph, you still have not said how. Claims should always be supported with some material if they are to have any validity.

The last sentence that I have 'bolded', there is no reference to what skills you have developed and you are currently equipped with.

While I attended LeMoyne I was an active member in Student Senate and Pre-Law Society, and although I wasn't 100% happy with the major I had declared at the time, the professors, faculty and staff were nothing but helpful and extremely talented. While I have learned a lot about myself and have worked to become the strong individual I believe I am today, I miss being a dolphin. I miss walking around campus and knowing that I have a wonderful support system, similar to a second family. I miss having an amazing group of individuals armed with an array of skills and talents who are there to guide me in the right direction, and I am fully prepared to utilize the resources available to me at LeMoyne College, that I may not have explored previously . LeMoyne College has so much to offer and I am truly confident now that I have so much to offer the college.

I have no doubt there are other students who claim to have suffered from personal failures or are victims of things that are out of their control. However, when it comes time to make a decision, it's important to know whether the student will be able to handle those circumstances and situations better than they could before...and I honestly know that I can.

LeMoyne found enough in me to accept me after graduating high school in 2007 with a Leadership Scholarship. I'm asking the college now, to realize that through the past couple of years I have only grown as a person and now have even more to offer. If given the opportunity to attend LeMoyne College again, I can promise it will not be wasted. You believed in me then. Believe in me now.

^Good ending.
OP npink18 1 / 3  
Aug 31, 2009   #4
Thank you both very much! I appreciate the feedback, and have made many changes. Please tell me what you think!
______________________________________

My second semester at LeMoyne College, spring 2008, was rough. A full time education, two jobs, family life and simply growing up, was starting to catch up to me. I ended that semester with a rather low GPA and I made a conscious decision to finally take responsibility for myself.

I was unsure of my major, Political Science at the time, and I was unsure of the career that I had chosen for myself. Attending a year at our local community college, OCC, seemed like a logical choice, and the best decision for me. I needed to get myself back on track, explore different career options, and get my finances together. I used my time at Onondaga Community College to regroup, reassess my life, and focus on my education.

After completing spring 2008 at LeMoyne, I found a thousand and one reasons to blame my somewhat unsuccessful semester on. A year ago, money troubles, my family, my friends, my professors and my boyfriend were all responsible for the weakest moment I've experienced in my educational history. My family didn't understand me. My friends didn't really care about what was best for me. My professors didn't like me and my boyfriend tried to control my life. However, the tree never hits the car. I've realized that I had to stop making excuses and blaming my problems on other people. I have to be able to live with myself and the choices and decisions I make. I take full responsibility for a low GPA and low self-esteem when I left LeMoyne, but I've come a long way since then.

I now know that want to be involved in the education process and LeMoyne College represents an institution where I can do so. LeMoyne offers classes such as "Teaching in a Diverse Society," and "Child Learning and Special Needs." As an individual who wants to be an educational interpreter and work within various Special Education departments, LeMoyne is perfect for me. It's going to take a lot of work, perseverance and drive, and maybe some of the same challenges I once faced will surface again. However, I am now equipped with the skills I need to rise above any difficulties that are thrown my way. During my time at OCC I learned proper study skills, improved my writing technique, was a main role in the Drama Club production, "The Importance of Being Earnest." I truly used my year away from LeMoyne to build my character, improve my self-esteem, and become a better student. I'm more confident facing challenges now than I have ever been. While I am far from perfect, I have learned from my mistakes and will continue to do so.

While I attended LeMoyne I was an active member in Student Senate and Pre-Law Society, and although I wasn't 100% happy with the major I had declared at the time, the professors, faculty and staff were helpful and extremely talented. While I have learned a lot about myself and have worked to become the strong individual I believe I am today, I miss being a dolphin. I miss walking around campus and knowing that I have a wonderful support system, similar to a second family. I miss having an amazing group of individuals armed with an array of skills and talents who are there to guide me in the right direction, and I am fully prepared to utilize the resources available to me at LeMoyne College. LeMoyne has so much to offer and I am truly confident now that I have so much to offer the college.

I have no doubt there are other students who claim to have suffered from personal failures or are victims of things that are out of their control. However, when it comes time to make a decision, it's important to know whether the student will be able to handle those circumstances and situations better than they could before...and I honestly know that I can.

LeMoyne found enough in me to accept me after graduating high school in 2007 with a Leadership Scholarship. I'm asking the college now, to realize that through the past couple of years I have only grown as a person and now have even more to offer. If given the opportunity to attend LeMoyne College again, I can promise it will not be wasted. You believed in me then. Believe in me now.


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