As I await to board my flight, I simply sat and observed. I immediately took note of what I could readily apprehend-the frazzled mother attempting to calm down her children, the complacent business man roving through security like a game of Frogger, and the nail-biting woman who has not flown in fifteen years. These people and I have only one thing common that I know: we are all in transit and share a period of time together before we aviate to a faraway land. Why are they here? Where are they going? They all have their own stories, lives, intentions, problems, and dreams. I realize that the world is overwhelmingly big, so exponentially larger than the limited view of my daily routine. The geography of my life becomes less substantial, and the criss-cross of so many lives grows accordingly. Even as I fly over the expanse of homes and cars, I think of the thousands living below me that do not even realize that I exist 30,000 feet above their heads. Beyond the culmination of emotions-the nerves, exhaustion, exasperation-in airports, it offers an exposé that allows a glimpse of something greater. It is a gentle and humble reminder I wish others could perceive, as for even if a few hours, we are allowed to believe that we are an important number in the world.
Any feedback please!
I'm curious if it is insightful or creative enough, and most importantly, answers the question.
Thank you!
We need to know what the question is to know if you answered it or not! :D
As I wait to board my flight, I simply sat and observed sit and observe. I immediately took note of what I could readily apprehend- the frazzled mother attempting to calm down her children, the complacent business man roving through security likeas if he were playing a game of Frogger, and the nail-biting woman who has notI would imagine hasn't flown in fifteen years. These waiting people and I have only a few things in common that I know: we are all in transit. We will all share a period of time together before we aviatefly to faraway lands . Why are they here? Where are they going? They all have their own stories, lives, intentions, problems, and dreams. I realize that the world is overwhelmingly big;so exponentially larger than the limited view of my daily routine. The geography of my life becomes less substantial, and the criss-cross of so many lives grows accordingly.Even As I fly over wide expanses of homes and cars and streets , I think of the thousands living below me that do not even realize that I exist 30,000 feet above their heads. Beyond a variety of emotions-the nerves, exhaustion, exasperation-in airports, I see an exposé that allows a glimpse of something greater. It is a gentle and humble reminder that I hope otherscould perceive. As for even if a few hours, we are allowed to believe that we are an important number in the world.(I'm not sure about this last sentence, it doesn't quite makes sense. I think you could remove it all together)
Creative idea. Nice organization. I made some changes (haha obviously) and I'd like to point out some lessons I've learned about writing for colleges:
1. Try to steer clear of overly fancy language - it doesn't sound natural, and sometimes the words are used incorrectly.
2. Be simple, because your ideas will become more clear.
3. Try to bring each essay back to yourself, and your qualities, in some way. Colleges want to know about YOU. However, don't talk excessively about yourself, or you may come off as being snobbish or conceited. Even pompous! (You don't at all. I would suggest talking more about yourself!!)
Good luck with your apps! I know you'll do well :)
Oh I'm sorry I forgot the question!
The topic is What is a detail you notice and wish others noticed as well?
I like how you told it as a story. There are some grammatical mistakes that Hannover corrected. Maybe you could change the diction up a little bit? Otherwise, I really like the way you told the story and attributed it to flying over 30,000 people.
Can you critique my essay as well? :D
I like your idea, it's original! However, there were some phrases that weren't clear.
I realize that the world is overwhelmingly big, so exponentially larger (redundant) than the limited view of my daily routine. The geography of my life becomes less substantial, and the criss-cross of so many lives grows accordingly.
Expand on your observations and how this relates back to you. You're humbled by observing so many different types of people in the airport, so what do your observations and your humble moment say about you?
Goodluck! Help me with my essays please.
