Is there any changes I need to make?
The University of Washington seeks to create a community of students richly diverse in cultural backgrounds, experiences, and viewpoints. How would you contribute to this community?
Growing up is never easy, especially in a family where neither of my parents attended college. At the time, China's economy was rough; no one had enough money to go to college let alone keep everyone's mouth fed. Due to their lack of education, both of my parents had to work many harsh hours to provide for the family. Most of the time, I was left at home to care for my baby sister. Our family didn't have much free time to play in the park, go to the mall, or even eat dinner together. It is these memories that I look back upon that gives me motivation to get a better education. It wasn't until we immigrated to America that I could finally see hope in our future. Their commitment to see me succeed has guided me to where I am today.
My dad's parents died when he was a little boy. He grew up having to worry more about money than education. Not many people can handle that amount of stress at such a young age, but my dad never gave up. Although he never attended college, he is still a vivacious intellectual that thrives to learn more. Whenever he has time, my dad would read and despite having to work 12 hours a day, he still manages to have time to talk to me whenever he comes home. The hard work and dedication my dad puts in for his family has inspired me to work harder for my goals.
My mom was always the brains in her family. She grew up with a promising future, but everything changed when her parents lost their jobs. In order to support her family, she had to give up on her education. Even though she never had the chance to attend college, she would always say, "What I can't do, you can." My mom's sense of reasoning has instilled in me, a new way of thinking. I have inherited everything that she has taught me and will continue to use what I learned to further enhance myself as an individual.
In the end, I am the link to my parent's repressive background. I am the big brother that looks out for my little sister while my parents aren't around and hopefully one day, I will be the one that inspires others the same way my parents inspired me. The life my parents lived influenced me to embrace adversity, and confront it with open hands. They placed their trust in me to inherit their hopes and dreams. The sacrifices that my parents made for me will not be in vain, because I will be the first one in my family to attend college.
You write well. I can suggest a few alterations for you...
At the time, China's economy was rough; no one had enough money to go to college let alone keep everyone's mouth fed.
College was not an option at the time, since China's economy was hit hard and the peoples main struggle was to feed their families.It is these memories that I look back upon that gives me motivation to get a better education.
These are the memories that keep motivating me to pursue my academic dreams despite many hardships.I have inherited everything that she has taught me and will continue to use what I learned to further enhance myself as an individual.
Inherit doesn't seem to be the right word here. It has the sense of something being passed down. "conceived" might be a better option. :)
