Greetings!
I think it's coming along very well so far! I can give you some editing suggestions.
My goal is [rather than "My career goals are"] to attain a career where I can express my artistic talent and passion for art as well as open my mind in ways that I could never do in any other field [instead of "at any other career"]. To obtain these goals, I must set a track.[I'm not sure what this means--set a track?] After considering many other career opportunities [rather than "looking to many other vantage points resulting in faint success" which sounds somewhat negative], such as [delete "considering" here] the army, attempting to obtain a job at Boeing, and looking into various other art colleges [not collages], to name a few, I have found that the Art Institute of Seattle has just the programs I'm looking for and just what I need to be successful at my goals.
It has been a life-long [add hyphen] dream of mine to put my imagination, with my world and characters, into life-like [add hyphen] animation. I would like to create video gaming with three dimensional modeling as well as flash animation with thrilling story-lines that appeal not just to myself, but to other viewers. My portfolio reflects much of my ideas and that [delete "of"] which I am passionate about. The Art Institute of Seattle offers just the right animation programs I need to obtain these goals--everything from simple flash animation to advanced three dimensional modeling in an interactive digital world.
With this experience, I can gain a career I'll love for the rest of my life. I would be eligible to work at popular gaming and animation companies such as Blizzard, EA Games, and Forgotten Realms, [delete "in"] which I have been a fan of for many years, using skills learned from the Art Institute of Seattle. I want to learn [instead of "These skills being"] two dimensional and three dimensional animation and techniques, story boarding, scripting, and rendering.
I am very passionate about art and want to excel in it. Therefore, I am [delete "strongly"] willing to participate in whatever programs and activities which are needed to complete my goals in this institute. I am very committed to fulfilling my goals and as so, I will push myself in all ways to succeed and graduate so that I may fulfill my creative dream and to be a proud part of the [delete "employee at a large"] computer gaming and animation industry.
You haven't really specifically answered the question "In what ways will you participate and commit to your education in order to be successful?" They want to know if you are willing to put in the time studying, give up outside activities which may interfere with your education and embrace activities which will enhance it, like joining organizations connected to your major. See if you can come up with a little more detail to answer this question.
Good work!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
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