Unanswered [7] / Featured [1] / URGENT [0]   

    help     or  

Essay Forum / Undergraduate Essays /      

what order should these sentences go in? UT Austin Plan II Essay



desm2012Threads: 6
Posts: 53
Author: Frances Desmond
   
Nov 29, 2011, 06:55pm   #1
The prompt is "Please write five sentences describing yourself, your life, and your experiences that taken together form an accurate view of who you are.
Be creative.
Do not list what was provided in the extracurricular activities section.
Please number the sentences 1 through 5."

1. The Dalai Lama is so filled with light, so genuinely kind, and so humble that I nearly cried just standing before him while he pushed back the chair designated especially for him so it would be in line with all of the others.
2. Looking up and finding an unexpected path, putting my foot down at just the right angle, the tight feeling of holding on, watching everything happening so far below; Rock climbing is exhilarating.
3. Mud splattered past my knees, hair sticking to the back of my neck, my ankle pangs from stepping in a ditch while shooting an assist to the striker, but it's alright, because when I'm sliding into someone twice my size, racing for that ball, I am alive.
4. My vision, Anythought.com: A place where people can post any ideas they have, no matter the complexity (or simplicity), and others can discuss ways to improve these ideas and make them real—anywhere in the world, everyone can help shape a single idea into perfect practice.
5. When I was little, I hated writing my name because I could never get the cursive "F" right, with its strange hook and dangerous curves, but now my letter is just the way I want it to be: looping and easy and happy and proud.

----
It's 974 characters. Please let me know if you have any other suggestions to improve the quality of these sentences



EF_SusanThreads: -
Posts: 3,434
Author: Susan O'Neill, EssayForum.com
[Moderator] Likes 4  
Dec 1, 2011, 10:51am   #2
I think they would look more like they're in chronological order if they go, 5, 2, 3, 1, 4. Also, I have to say you're an excellent writer. All of your sentences are so descriptive and poetic, it makes me wish they were part of a book. It made me feel happy to read them, and that you would be a fun and interesting person to know. Good luck with school and have fun!

:)


desm2012Threads: 6
Posts: 53
Author: Frances Desmond
   
Dec 3, 2011, 02:44am   #3
Thank you so much!! I really appreciate that :)




Essay Forum / Undergraduate Essays / Unanswered [this forum] / Featured / Similar

Similar discussions:


Random: TOEFL Independent Writing - Rush vs. Slower Pace


This thread has been closed.

Home - Search - About Us - Faq - EF Contributors - Contact Us

Copyright © 2006-2014 EssayForum.com  Disclaimer, Privacy Policy, TOS  EssayForum RSS