So this is my essay for the Stanford Supplement:
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.
This has by been the hardest essay for me thus far, and I'm not sure how well it came out. It's just a draft so any and all criticism is welcome.
Here it is:
So the first thing anyone should know about me is that I compulsively correct people's grammar and make groan-inducing puns. I know that these will annoy most people, but if you can bear them then I'm sure we will get along just fine. Other than my irritation (not aggravation) towards incorrect grammar, I'm a fairly easygoing guy. I rarely get angry at anything and will make an effort to get along with anyone. I will admit that I'm kind of a geek, but I imagine that most people going to Stanford are, so that's probably unsurprising. Even so, I would be happy to play video games or watch a hilariously bad movie with you, should you be interested. Also, if you can play an instrument, we should jam together sometime. I love making music, and I currently play in a mediocre rock band and my school's orchestra, both of which are tons of fun to be a part of. As a proud New Orleanian, you'll find that music is one of my favorite conversation topics, well, music and food. I love food, both eating and cooking it. Though you would never believe that if you saw me; I am probably the skinniest person you will ever meet. But that doesn't really matter as long as I can cook, right? There is no idiom I dislike more than "never trust a skinny cook." Rest assured, most people think I'm a good cook, and if we have access to any cooking supplies from our dorm, I will gladly cook for the both of us. I'll even take requests. So I guess this is pretty much who I am: an optimistic, musical geek who can cook. I hope you don't mind.
I will admit that I'm kind of a geek, but I imagine that most people going to Stanford are, so that's probably unsurprising
^Interesting. It is Stanford that shall be reading this, rather than your room mate, so I am not sure how keen Stanford will be to read that their student population is mainly comprised of geeks. Furthermore, there are people that get in through athletic scholarships, who may not have the typical academic acumen that most Stanford kids are known for.
This has always been a tricky essay prompt, and I do not know the right formula. Whether to write it casually, or formally, since it is the Stanford Admissions office that shall be reading this only.
This essay seems very informal. I'm guessing that was the feel you were going for but since this is an admissions essay, I would tighten it up a bit. if your other essays are quite serious and deep this might be a great change in mood and show a completely different side of you. I would maybe reconsider using the word "geek" so many times throughout the essay as well.
Could you please compulsively correct the grammar in my essays? I would really appreciate it.
Hm.. I'm feeling a haughty vibe from you. I'm not sure if that was your intent, but try to avoid it because schools are looking more for people who are enthusiastic about learning and not feeling like they know everything. Or maybe trying moving the grammar part somewhere in the middle of the essay so it is not the first thing read.
Could you help me proofread the grammar in my essay? Any help would be appreciated.
Thanks all, and if you want me to look over any of your essays then feel free to ask. I would be happy to.
Right--this is very laid back, and I like it, but I'm concerned it may be a little too much so.
I think you should eliminate the phrase "even so". I think that is what is making you sound elitist...
Also I wouldn't use the word geek, it has a negative connotation. Perhaps try quirky?
Otherwise, you sound like you can't wait to fit in and be part of the campus, so nice job!
And I would love it if you read over my essay :)
