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Obstacles to Overcome to become a Successful College Student


blckswann 1 / -  
Apr 22, 2013   #1
I am currently making a rough draft of an essay that is to answer the question of what obstacles did I overcome to become a successful college student. If anyone could please read and proofread my essay it would be greatly appreciated!

What Obstacles Have You Overcome in Order to be a Successful Student at the University of Oklahoma?

After surviving four years of high school, many make the decision to attend college to further build upon knowledge and skills that will successfully contribute to a successful career. My plans to pursue a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Modern Dance at the University of Oklahoma have resulted from overcoming a multitude of academic, mental and emotional obstacles that I have learned to push through relentlessly.

Many students depend on their high school experience and education to help them transition to college because they provide the foundation for what is to be expected. Academically, high school has prepared me for the vigorous work that my future college professors will expect. Dance classes, AP classes, community service and having a job put a huge amount of stress on my shoulders but I have learned to manage my time wisely to keep up with my academic load, dance classes and social life. The education that I have received is important and crucial to assist in my further passion for learning that is one of the many facts needed to become a successful student.

The mentality needed for the transition from high school to college has to become more attentive, comfortable, aspiring and positive. As I become more older and I learned from my own experiences and mistakes. High School is fairly easy compared to college because you are allowed more free time on your hands to make choices that are better for your future. Outside of high school, there is a "real wold" out there. I learned that to make it through the next step to becoming a successful student in college, you have to learn to buckle down and and hit the books. Throughout high school, the decisions I made in the past and present are affecting my future. I learned to make the correct choices with good morals and understanding because of my mentality.

Whether it could that you are having personal issues, dealing with school or family, everyone has their own set of emotional stress. Through my senior year of high school, I had to worry about my family and our financial problems. My father had to support a house of four that included my brother, mother and myself. My mother was laid off from her job after fifteen years and it was hard for a while to be financially stable. I took it upon myself to get my first job to help out even though it meant having to put my passion for dance on hold. She was very depressed but I am grateful to have given my time and effort to keep her healthy and stress free. In time, it did turn around for the better but it fluctuates here and there.
Mmarshall876 2 / 10 3  
Apr 23, 2013   #2
This is good but could be better. Your introduction is not strong enough, in my opinion. Try and wrap up your intro with a general overview of what you will discuss. Suggestion: After surviving four years of high school, many make the decision to attend college to further build upon knowledge and skills that will successfully contribute to a successful career. My plans to pursue a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Modern Dance at XXX, have resulted from overcoming a multitude of academic, mental and emotional obstacles that I have learned to push through relentlessly.

In your last paragraphs introduce what your plan in the future is (ie: masters program) and why the school can provide that to you. I'm assuming this has to be short (maybe 500 words?) so it is possible, you already have good elements, just needs work.

I would try and look for a bigger obstacle than stress. If stress is the only one, then try and convey it in a different sense. Although stress may affect others in different ways, it is a common feeling. To say that stress is your biggest hurdle in the way you explain it, brings fear that if you are stressed during your studies, how will you pull through them? So, if the financial trouble was really the obstacle, maybe you can discuss how you helped your mom overcome this hurdle. Did you find a job? was she depressed and you helped her overcome this hurdle? When you were stressed, did you devote time to community work to overcome it? I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck! this is an interesting field :)
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Apr 26, 2013   #3
You have too many general statements in this response. I think you need to tell more about you than letting your words be consumed for such comparisons and general trends. This is your chance to tell them about how successfully you managed difficult situations in pursuing your goal. Pick up those events and through them show your strong personality to the admission panel. They would be more interested to know you as a person.


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