Hi!
I'm applying for the fashion merchandising management program at Fashion Institute of Thechnology in New York and I want to get tips about my essay. I come from Sweden, where you never apply with essays or interviews, only with grades, so I'm quite new to application-letters. So please, give me any constructive critique you have! Thanks! :)
"What makes you a perfect candidate for FIT? Why are you interested in the major you are applying to?
Tell us how your experiences have prepared you to commit to your chosen major at FIT. Feel free to include all activities and accomplishments in which you take pride. Presentation is also important, so keep your essay to no more than 750 words and check your spelling and grammar."
About a year ago I found a blog runned by a 11-year old swedish girl, daughter to a well-renowned high luxury boutiqe-owner in Stockholm. And reading that blog, about the little girl traveling to the fashion-capitals of the world with her mother on her buyer-trips, I decided that fashion is the one thing I want to work with in the future. It may sound a bit banal, but as I was reading I realized two things. First, that I have, just like this little girl, always loved fashion. Loved to put together outfits, seeing details and exploring the wonderful way to express one self. As simple as it may sound, fashion is pure joy. Second of all, I also found another way to work with fashion. I may not be able to design the creations. But I have a great eye for the art in fashion, as well as seeing great trends. And reading about this boutiqe-owner, I realized that the business-side of fashion is where I am going to do my career.
I started looking up where I would like to get the best start to this career, where I would get the best education. We have a good fashion-university in Sweden, but for me it was obvious that I wanted something more. And finding Fashion Institute of Thechnology, there was no question about it. I want to attend an education where I can get the best possible knowledge and the best experience in the greatest fashion-capital of the world. I want to aim high, so when I do my best I am shore it will give big.
I know that I want to be in the business-side of the fashion-industry and becoming a buyer is something that has caught my interest. I want to use my analysing skills to get the most out of where, when and how the apparell should be brought to the customers, using creativity to find and get the best products for the customers and in that finding new ways for the company. What intrigues me is the possibility to be in an industry where you get to work with leadership and stratedic thinking with creative people who has the passion for a the artform and culture of fashion. That is why I am applying for the Fashion merchandising management program.
During high school I studied performing arts with a major in singing. I was also the president of the schools student council, wich has given me good knowledge in leadership. During my second year at high school, I started a big campaign with six other students from other schools. We did a big anti-violencecampaign, engaging the entire city and all of the students in our city. I was in charge of booking artists, speakers, venues, cinemas and making the stages and technical aquiptment work. The project gave me great knowledge in productmanagement, as I was in charge of the special anti-violence day we had (which had over 5000 visitors) and creating a good working budget, and creating solutions when sudden problems ocurred. I also was involved in strategicly getting colaborations with local, national and international companies and organisations.
I am at the moment working at one of the biggest youth-organisations in Sweden, the Swedish Centralorganisation for Studentcouncils. I work as a so called activitydeveloper; educating, helping and inspiring studentcouncils in Sweden. It has deepend my leadership-skills and evolved my creativity, as I am always inspiring and getting students to see and create new ways to make their school-time better.
I am convinced that my experiences in leadership, projectmanagement and my creativity alongside my unquestioned dedication to fashion is a great foundation for doing a good job in the Fashion Merchandising Managament program.
I am convinced that I would do a great job at Fashion Institute of Technology. Beeing able to study in New York is a great dream, but it is not only cool Facebook-status. For me it is the possibility to be in the place where I could get the most possiple out of my time at Fashion Institute of Thechnology, the absolute best start of a great career and were I would get the best inspiration in the world. And there is no other school or city that could give me that. That is why I am looking forward to seeing You in the fall of 2012!
Try rephrasing some of ur sentences by combining them
Firstly , that I have, just like this little girl, always loved fashion.
Second of all, I also found another way to work with fashion. "Second of all" sounds boring just say secondly or something else.
This is good overall but try to rephraase the sentences a bit. Also, i would greatly appreciate it if u kindly helped me with my personal response
