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'No Birthday or Christmas present' - Essay for biggest obstacle


dolphin23 1 / -  
Nov 28, 2013   #1
The most challenging obstacle I have had to overcome is growing up without my father being a part of my life.
Before I was born my parents had split up.
After I was born, my father did not want to see me even though my mother had made several attempts. I never received a phone call or a present on my Birthday or Christmas. When I was 17 I successfully contacted my father and flew across to the country to see him. I stayed at the house he shared with his wife and her two children from a previous marriage.

The stay at his house was not easy. Everywhere I looked there were family pictures of the four of them; my father, his wife, her two children. Those two children, who were not even blood related to me but knew my father better than I knew him.

When I was little, I never thought much of why I only had one parent. It was not until elementary school when my classmates started asking me where my father was. I used to tell them he lived in a nearby town and I saw him every weekend.

During my freshman year in college, I asked him if he would be able to contribute to my tuition. He asked me to list every single thing I was paying for, and I did. After that I never heard back from him. And never saw the money.

To tell you the truth, I think about him a lot of the time and wonder what kind of relationship we could have had. On the other hand, I have so many things to be grateful for.

I grew up with incredibly loving grandparents who I stayed with very often. They used to tell me that I was like their own daughter. Sometimes I wonder if I would have had the relationship with my grandparents if I had lived with both of my parents. My mother, being a musician, often had to work evenings so therefore I would end up sleeping at my grandparents, who lived in my neighborhood.

I admire my mother greatly. Not everyone can act as a mother, a father and a friend. But somehow she managed to be all three. She makes me believe that anything is possible if you work for it.
cras69 2 / 3  
Nov 29, 2013   #2
Topic is "biggest obstacle you have overcome "

I feel you have talked about your obstacle, described it well enough,
but it seems like you didn't overcome it, you just went away from it [

On the other hand, I have so many things

... ]

These are a few changes I feel would be better:

The most challenging obstacle I have had to overcome is growing up without my father being a part of my life.

- The most challenging obstacle I have had to overcome is growing up without my father

I never received a phone call or a present on my Birthday or Christmas.

I never received a phone call on my birthday or a present on Christmas.

flew across to the country to see him.

flew across the country to see him.

my father, his wife, her two children.

my father, his wife and her two children.

Those two children, who were not even blood related to me but knew my father better than I knew him.

I feel this sentence would be best if you said it like this:
They were not related by blood to my father, but they knew him better than I did.

After that I never heard back from him. And never saw the money.

I never heard from him after that, and the money never came.

I think about him a lot of the time

I think about him a lot
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Dec 9, 2013   #3
Those two children, who were not even blood related to me but knew my father better than I knew him.

Those two children, who were even not my father's blood relations knew my father better than I knew him.
Your story is very touchy. I think you can improve it a lot;

The stay at his house was not easy. Everywhere I looked there were family pictures of the four of them; my father, his wife, her two children. Those two children, who were not even blood related to me but knew my father better than I knew him.
When I was little, I never thought much of why I only had one parent. It was not until elementary school when my classmates started asking me where my father was. I used to tell them he lived in a nearby town and I saw him every weekend.
During my freshman year in college, I asked him if he would be able to contribute to my tuition. He asked me to list every single thing I was paying for, and I did. After that I never heard back from him. And never saw the money.

In this section, I feel you should have taken the elementary part on the top and then the freshman year and finally the meeting with your father. That arranges a better flow. Have all of them into one paragraph.


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