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'neighbors and schoolmates' - UC Prompt #1


jdem1901 1 / 4  
Oct 29, 2012   #1
Prompt: "Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations."

Through my life experiences, I have come to the conclusion that one's future is not predetermined but chosen. Of course there are other factors involved, but blaming destiny or bad luck for any missteps does not work for me. My parents were illegal immigrants that never went passed the elementary school level in their education. I was also raised by a single mother for most of my life, who worked while attending night classes to learn English. Considering our low-income status, the area we lived in was not very pleasant to say the least. In some instances, various families would have to share a one-bedroom apartment. Needless to say, it was not the ideal place to raise a young girl. At a young age, I had already decided that I wanted to leave the place I called home for so many years.

I have had countless neighbors and schoolmates that once dreamt the same thing but gave up. This always baffled me. While some point to the argument that school was just not for them or the lack of support and outside help did it for them, I do not understand why promising students that once had their entire futures in front of them would constrain themselves to the life they once wanted to leave behind. This often pushed me to persevere even more. It drove me to push myself harder and continue to demonstrate that I could in fact accomplish what I desire. I comprehended that there was no mystical curse that impeded the others to fulfill their aspirations, they chose not to. If I worked rigorously and decided I wanted an education and a career, no one could stop me.

The road has not been easy by any means. For a couple of years, my life has consisted of waking up early for school and going to sleep late because of homework. Knowing that many do not have the same drive that I do, I feel it is part of my mission on this earth to help others realize what I realized when I was young, to leave and achieve their dreams. Although I do not necessarily know what specific career I want to pursue yet, I know I want to contribute to my community and help others strive for what they want to do and change their lives rather than conform to it.

Many may think that one person cannot possibly make much of a difference, but if I only make a small change in one person's life I will feel my mission is complete.
shmegg 7 / 26 1  
Oct 29, 2012   #2
who worked while attending night

Your mom did not work AND learn English simultaneously did she?
To clarify, put "my mom worked the days and attended night school to learn English." or something like that.
MPH2013 1 / 3  
Nov 3, 2012   #3
well written. The story is touching, and will easily gain sympathy from reviewer.

what I desire - whatever
had already decided that I wanted to leave the place I called home for so many years. - desired
uyaq23 2 / 5 2  
Nov 4, 2012   #4
"While some point to the argument that school was just not for them or the lack of support and outside help did it for them, I do not understand why promising students that once had their entire futures in front of them would constrain themselves to the life they once wanted to leave behind ". - We could probably cut this sentence down a bit to something like They accepted defeat by putting blame upon the notions of getting help from others, even though they were not ready to help themselves for a better lifestyle.

Good essay. Try to use more of your voice. Tell them what you saw or heard instead of "...the area we lived in was not very pleasant to say the least. "

Keep on!


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