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Need to turn in tonight. For any helpful feedback I will return the favor



silentspringThreads: 27
Posts: 117
Author: YingBin Mei
  [Suspended]  
Dec 29, 2011, 06:18pm   #1
When I was in 10th grade, I applied to the Macaulay Summer Scholars Academy to take Algebra II so that I could advance to Pre-calculus in my junior year. On the first day, I was assigned to a class of twelve people, most of whom were seniors. In the morning, the instructor lectured us on trigonometry and shifted to college algebra in the afternoon. His mouthful of mathematical jargon such as scalar, vector, delta, and theta rendered me clueless.

After spending five nights watching introductory videos on College Algebra and Trigonometry, I began to have a superficial understanding of the lecture. However, I still could not utter a word when the instructor asked me a question.

After another arduous day, as the A Train arrived, I crammed into the train and dropped down in a seat. I closed my eyes and rested my head on the board. But, my determination to learn the basics in the shortest time possible flickered in my mind. I rubbed the tightness on my temple and pulled out a Algebra II review book.


Is this strong? I have been stuck for a long time.
I want to show that I am willing to overcome challenge.
Any help is appreciated!!!
taman121Threads: 2
Posts: 4
Author: Daniel Singh
   
Dec 29, 2011, 06:23pm   #2
Hi,
You should start out with a clever introduction. You would not believe how many people write "When I was..." It will set you apart. I recommend something from the class like "I woke up to my alarm clock. It was only 5 AM and I wanted to sleep. But I realized, I had to go to class."
Hope this helps. :) Otherwise I like it. I did a similar camp at northwestern. :D
makman09Threads: 12
Posts: 118
Author: Mustafa Khan
   
Dec 29, 2011, 07:24pm   #3
Get rid of detail such as how many seniors are in the class because those details don't help progress the essay. Overall, the essay is a better revision than the last one.
The only thing I can think of is mentioning how you'll conquer Algebra 2 at a deeper level such as, "With the complexity as the core element of Macaulay Summer Scholars Academy, I strive to challenge myself and conquer what was impossible to me before."

Just include something personal and deep about challenges and you in order to give your essay a stronger edge.
Other than that, your essay is good. Good luck with it!

Can you return the favor by reading my Princeton supplement?


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