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NEED TO GET INTO MY DREAM SCHOOL; NYU SUPPLEMENT ESSAY. I am a film maker, a musician...



salehrama10Threads: 6
Posts: 24
Author: Saleh Ramazani
 Likes 1  
Dec 8, 2012, 11:00pm   #1
A. For which campus would you like to be considered? NYU New York.

My family and I visited the colleges of my interest this summer. NYU was the most outstanding. Its campus was so unorthodox and the student body was extremely culturally diverse. During the information session the speaker declared that NYU looks for versatile students who can complement NYU's diverse student body. I'm a native French speaking, young, Muslim, black male. I was born in Egypt, raised in Ireland, where I learned English at the age of four, and now live in the United States. I am a film maker, a musician, and a leader in student government and empowerment programs for African American males. I would fit perfectly in NYU's melting pot of diverse cultures and talented students.



dumiThreads: 1
Posts: 7,212
Author: Duminda
[Moderator] Likes 1397  
Dec 8, 2012, 11:08pm   #2
salehrama10:
My family and I visited the colleges of my interest this summer. NYU was the most outstanding.

Why not combine these two?
I found NYU to be the most outstanding among the colleges I visited with my family in our mission to find the best.

Guess you have a strict word count :D
How many words you are allowed to have?


admission2012Threads: -
Posts: 404
Author: Kevin Jackson - AdmissionsAdviceOnline.com Skype 24/7 @ Admissions_essay_advice
 Likes 61  
Dec 8, 2012, 11:10pm   #3
Almost Perfect.This is a great example of a concise yet powerful statement. The only thing that raises an eyebrow was when you stated "Its campus was so unorthodox." What makes it so? Try to explain a little bit of this while adding a sentence about how you will utilize the resources at NYU for a "Perfect" response. -AAO


salehrama10Threads: 6
Posts: 24
Author: Saleh Ramazani
 Likes 1  
Dec 8, 2012, 11:12pm   #4
admission2012 :
Almost Perfect.This is a great example of a concise yet powerful statement. The only thing that raises an eyebrow was when you stated "Its campus was so unorthodox." What makes it so? Try to explain a little bit of this while adding a sentence about how you will utilize the resources at NYU for a "Perfect" response.


Thank you and I would make that correction but I am limited to 700 characters. This is already 696 characters. Any advice on how I could make this change possible?


admission2012Threads: -
Posts: 404
Author: Kevin Jackson - AdmissionsAdviceOnline.com Skype 24/7 @ Admissions_essay_advice
 Likes 61  
Dec 9, 2012, 11:58am   #5
Very Easily, just rearrange the words you have here. For instance instead of "My family and I visited the colleges of my interest this summer" just write:"After visiting NYU," or any variation thereof. Not the hardest thing to do. -AAO


DrSThreads: 1
Posts: 30
Author: S
 Likes 5  
Dec 9, 2012, 12:01pm   #6
This doesn't answer WHY you want to attend NYU New York.
The prompt asks you to specify why New York campus, not Abu Dabi or Shanghai.


admission2012Threads: -
Posts: 404
Author: Kevin Jackson - AdmissionsAdviceOnline.com Skype 24/7 @ Admissions_essay_advice
 Likes 61  
Dec 9, 2012, 05:15pm   #7
@Drs New York has long been known as the Melting Pot. The poster laid out a clear, compelling case as how he too embodies the meaning of this term as he has a wide array of experiences and interests. His eccentric and eclectic style leads him to select the Location that he feels will best suit him which is NYC which is also known for its diversity. He not only answered he prompt, he almost hit it out of the ballpark.




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