About My thesis statement!(USC TRANSFER)

"because of my many passions the one stands out the most is my passion for success"
How to write this sentence is better????

Tomorrow is deadline. But I am only not sure about the thesis statement. It's very important!

Thanks!!

"Amongst my many passions, the one that stands out the most is my passion for success."

or

"My passion for success is the one that stands out the most among my many other passions."

good luck :)

I like the first one offered by Levin. Levin, please check out the EF Contributor Page!

Success in what? this will be more powerful if you make it more specific... what kind of success, or why? Add some specificity! :)

You could go with

"My greatest passion is my passion for success."

or simply

"I am most passionate about success."

which eliminates the double use of the word "passion."

Kevin is right, though, you need to be more specific. It seem likely that no one is passionate about failure, and that in some way all passions involve someone trying to succeed at something, so your sentence doesn't tell us all that much.