Teachers are supposed to give us skills to help us transition into our college years. They give us those academic qualities to help us write our essays and pass our tests. So when a high school teacher can influence you, can impact your life so deeply, that it changes the way to grow and think, that teacher becomes more than that, but she becomes a friend.
Mrs. Lauren Kemp was my AP Language and Composition teacher my junior year of high school when I was in Germany. She was an independent woman, who was heavily influential on her students, and was never afraid to tell people how it was.
At one point in my junior year, I was going through a rough time in all the areas of my psyche. Physically, I had torn my leg muscle and was out during soccer season, nearing Europeans when it counted the most. Emotionally, I had been dumped by my boyfriend of eleven months. Mentally, everything was mixing together in a big pot of horror that made me want to end it all. I went to eight different classes, with eight different teachers, and Mrs. Kemp was the only person who took me aside and told me to fess up. I shared with her, things that I could never share with my family and showed her things that I could never show my friends.
Mrs. Kemp always tells her students their best qualities. She let's them know she cares, and above anything else, she listens. Mrs. Kemp listened to me for hours after school while I talked. I talked about the last year of my life, and at the end of it all, she gave me a hug, and told me that she would be there, whenever I needed it.
Even from another continent, Mrs. Kemp still encourages me. She still influences me, and still reminds me that no matter what; it always gets better.
too short? not enough? help!! this is my first one ever!!!
"So when a high school teacher can influence you, can impact your life so deeply, that it changes the way to grow and think, that teacher becomes more than that, but she becomes a friend."
"who was heavily influential on her students" I think this sentence is unnecessary because 1) The essay is about you, not so much the others in your class. and 2) We know she's influential, because you're writing the essay about her and already stated as much.
As a big proponent of the Thesaurus myself, your use of the word "psyche" seems improper to me, and like you just were looking for another word.
"She let's them know she cares" should be "She lets"
"she gave me a hug, and told me that she would be there, whenever I needed it." This actually leaves me wanting more. So did you talk to her and ask for advice often after that? Did your life improve? Did you cope better? etc.
Also, I can't tell you if this is too short, because I don't know how long the essay is supposed to be!
Cheers!
