When I start to study something I am up to my neck in the subject.
Very good, Olga. I like it. This sentence conveys to the reader what you mean, but it is not overbearing. If you explain too much, it is overbearing, but if you let the reader figure out what this sentence means, the reader feels delighted.
I still would like to see one more sentence added to the end of the first paragraph. If you pretend that the reader can only see one sentence, what sentence would you write to express the meaning of this essay? Add that to the end of the first paragraph.
If you add that thesis statement, I think it will be a sentence about teaching or about utilitarian philosophy.
The essay is strong already! Just add that thesis statement! :-)