Question:Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
significant influence on me is my mother
Hey(:
I need help in this essay.
this is the essay I'm working on right now...and I'll be glad if you guys can me please(:
I was born in small town. My mother and I dream was to attend a top rated high school in America. But that wasn't possible for my mom and I because we didn't had enough money to go America.
I'll be more glad if tell me Something else I should add...
Thank you (:
Hey, it's great that your mother has influenced you so much, but keep in mind that a lot of prospective college students will write about their mother or father for this essay. Regardless, this can be a great essay. The only mistake that you can make is to make the essay all about your mother. Don't just talk about her. Instead talk about how your attachment to her has shaped YOUR life. Remember, the college is looking to accept you, not your mother. If you're confident in your ability to pull this off, more power to you.
Mom a Positive Influence
can someone plzzz help me with introduction, conclusion and the voice and also the grammar
As i look toward my future i realized i would not be here if i were not for many people. Each person makes different mistake and gets different experiences in his or her life. However, each of us has that one person who gives you advice to improve those mistakes and that person influence your life in some special way. The person who influence my life is my mother. she has always given me guidance, support, and always encouraged me to be the best i can be.
Being new in America at the age of twelve, i was shy from my peers and mostly kept to myself. I found myself as i entered school, where i had the hardest time to handle things. People made fun of my thick accent and my other foreign ways. No one in the school liked me, or wanted to be my friend, and everyone made fun of me. I was the most hated kid in the school. At lunch time i would sit by myself, because people were so judgmental that they would believe what others said about me.
I used to cry every single day at lunch time. when I told the principle about it, the only things the principle did was gave them a detentions. One day i decide to commit suicide and get life over with. But my mother always taught me that life goes on, never give up on life. Life isn't easy to handle. Later, I soon realized that my classroom was full of kids that didn't have any respect for other.
Overall, I struggled a lot to learn the new things worked in this country and had trouble fitting into the social group and society at school and in this country. It was then, that whenever i felt down, or struggle and ejected from being the outside, my mother gave me comfort in sorrow and strength. she helped me open up. During the morning time when she cooked breakfast for me, and sat beside me while i was eating breakfast. she gave me that one advice that shaped my heart and it shaped my life too.
She always advised me to work with the other student in the classroom and bring something new to the table instead of making it a barrier. she told me to be the first one to extend the hand of friendship and to be patient, kind, and helpful. When it came time for high school thats when people stopped hating me. That's when i got to experience what it feels like to have a actual friends. it was then, that i started be friendly with my classmates and started enjoying the life in America.
Her advice and teaching character have always stayed with me throughout my life. It is because of her that i have gain the most of my education, and it is because of her that i am hopeful to achieve my future goals. she has positively affected me to have a mother such as her. she has not only been my mother and helped me stayed on the right path, but she also been the best friend. I have always counted upon. My relationship with my mother. Is something that i treasure about everything else in my life.I began to edit your essay, but I stopped when I got about half way down. While your story is compelling, I'm not sure it's the right content for an admissions essay. Suicide is a VERY touchy topic for many people and this essay has the potential of leaving the reader uncomfortable. You also really harp on the bad aspects of your school experience, which also can have a negative effect on the overall ton of your essay. I'm not sure when this is due, but honestly, I would recommend you scrap this and talk about a time when your mother helped you overcome a slightly less depressing time in your life. Maybe start you essay with a quote form your mom about how "life goes on" and then apply it to a chalenge that you overcame with her help. Also, while your ideas are clear, your English is a little sloppy, not bad, just some of your phrasing is awkward. Make sure to have somebody proofread your final copy so that they can help you remove awkward syntax. Best of luck and thanks for commenting on mine!
