Okay, here are my thoughts.
Your paper is an okay paper, but you can improve it a lot by doing a few things. First, when I read your paper, I felt like you were forced to write this paper. You need make your paper more interesting so the reader can enjoy reading it. Who wants to read a dull paper? Your structure and sentence were like you had to meet the words count. It is okay to have a short and meaningful sentence. Second, you need to be a bit more creative about your word choice. For example, I felt like I read so many times the word characteristic and my mother. Try to use she, her, and so on. Finally, try to mention couple of outstanding examples about your mother. I think the changing tire on the road is very weak argument. Try to work on your paper and distance yourself for a day or two. Come back and reread it, and see if it goes smooth or not. Does it convey the message you intend the reader to get?
Here is my correction of the first paragraph:
If I have to mention one person that has significantly impacted my life, the first person that comes to mind is my mother. Although it took me a while to figure that out, but her extraordinary influence has changed my life in many ways. (Such as...You need to through a few words here why it took you a while to understand that and give a few brief, but eye-catching examples of how it changed your life). Among the many greatest quality she posses, her unique characteristic of perseverance, and her sense of responsibility has made me what I am today, a hard working person.
The characteristic of my mother is none of what I have seen in other people. She is my role model. Here quick instinct that something needs to be done if there is a problem; her skills as being a housewife, and her reaction to a situation (be specific) are a few among many of her greatest quality. One day while my mom was driving me to school, she felt the car was not driving smoothly. We quickly pulled by the nearest gas stations and discovered one of the tire had a leak. Fortunately, across the gas station, there was a tire repair shop. We exchange the broken tire and were soon on our way back to school. If it wasn't for my mother's quick instinct, we could have got stuck in the freeway.
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