Most innovative; Columbia supplement- Appealing?

Columbia University has proven to be one of the most innovative schools in the world. Being the birthplace of the FM radio and the laser, Columbia University emphasizes the importance of new ideas, discoveries and future. This school appeals to me through its success in enabling students to reach their full potential. By enabling its students to start conducting research as an undergraduate, Columbia can give me a unique undergraduate experience. As I look through the many achievements of Columbia students, I dream of becoming someone who is capable of doing the same. My goal of becoming an oncologist motivates me to one day make breakthroughs in science that will contribute to the cure of cancer. Although this may seem like a far-fetched dream, I don't plan on losing hope. With Columbia's award-winning faculty, I am confident that this is the place for my vision to transform into a reality. Columbia's involvement with the community is also another factor that I find appealing. For instance, the Health Education and Advocacy League (HEAL) of Columbia, which allows students to promote health awareness among middle-school students, is just one of the many examples of how Columbia participates in benefitting its community. In a school where I will be able to find the answer to my own inquiries, conduct my own research and spread my knowledge to benefit the society, I am sure that I will succeed as a student as well as an individual.

It is well written and you seem to know a lot about the school, but how will it give you a unique undergraduate experience? <------ This question is a biggie, if you can explain why without your reason being that columbia is famous, or well accomplished I think it would be more appreciated.


This part started of well ,but then you went back into listing the school achievement instead of talking about exactly why that is appealing. Do you like kids, did someone visit you like this when you were in middle school? things like this makes it a bit more personable otherwise it sounds like you are listing off achievements that I am more than positive Columbia knows about already.

I really liked the flow and you definitely did lots of research. You could be more specific about how Columbia will help you achieve your goal. Good luck and happy holidays.

Can you read mine? Thank you.