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Mohammed Ibn Abdullah has made an impact on my life

az2845Threads: 4
Posts: 7
Author: Amar Z
Nov 29, 2008, 12:43am   #1
I need help with grammar, structure, and context.
Any and all suggestions would be much appreciated
Thank you!

---Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.---

It is difficult to gauge the impact that all the people in my life have had on me, but one person that has had a profound influence, in the way I go about my affairs every single day, lived over 1400 years ago. Nevertheless, I feel a personal kinship with him. His teachings play a role in all aspects of my life. His legacy is my reference of how to behave, how to be a constructive citizen, good child, and how to seek knowledge and truth. These are values expressed most clearly to me in the story of Mohammed, Prophet of Islam.

Mohammed Ibn Abdullah, born 570 in the city of Mecca, entered a brutal world defined by hunger, violence and tribal warfare to face an absolutely despairing situation. There was virtually a whole continent of people killing one another in an endless, hopeless vendetta, going down a chute of violence and warfare, feeling society was coming to an end. Mohammed, in a period of 23 years, single handedly gave them hope.

Mohammed came from very humble origins. He was orphaned at the age of six and was illiterate. Despite this, he united a people separated by deep rooted tribal disputes. He is considered by some, the most influential single figure in human history because of his successful on both the religious and secular levels. I was also reared in modest surroundings in the capital city of Ethiopia and I look to Mohammed as the ultimate role model to help me shape my goals in the right direction and keep me focused. One of Mohammed's main principles was "If you want to serve god, serve people." I would like to gain a college education through the Texas A&M experience, with the academic opportunities to help me become the best I can be at the engineering career of my choice, and the perfect social atmosphere, harmony, friendliness and kindness, to help me accomplish my goals. So that I may one day be able to return to Ethiopia and work to successfully make life better for people.

Through the stories of Mohammed I am able to make connections. As I strive to follow his teachings, all of a sudden ,I feel I can relate to things that happened 1400 years ago and the issues are universal. Mohammed, a model as a political leader and individual, thought the values of knowledge, diligence, honesty, and tolerance. He made great accomplishments in his time and didn't let success overpower him or his ego get the best of him. His works combine political, military, social, religious, intellectual dimensions of life in ways that are important for me in the 21st century trying to put together a complete and accomplished life as well. This especially applies to me at this point in my life as I prepare to make a crucial decision and experience a transition to college.

I live my life through his example, a living example of behavior. Of righteousness, honesty and integrity, as well as compassion, justice and equity. How I walk, how I speak, how I carry myself, how I treat my mother and father; how I behave as a son, a brother, a student, a friend, a neighbor, and a human being-that is all Mohammed in action. Mohammed died in 632 and left behind him a people united

Today Mohammed remains, more than anything else, a great role model.

RdenThreads: 2
Posts: 8
Author: Denise Resendez
Nov 29, 2008, 01:27am   #2
That's the same question for Topic A in my applytexas.org application. In fact I just posted some of it right now...

Anyway, back to your essay. I think it's really well written and that you've covered the question thoroughly. For grammer I would move around the sentences like this:

1) As I strive to follow his teachings, all of a sudden, I feel as if I can relate to universal issues that took place over 1400 years ago.

2) I live my life through his example of behavior. One that is a living example of righteousness, compassion, honesty and integrity, as well as justice and equity.

EF_KevinThreads: 33
Posts: 14,155
Author: You can help a lot of people by visiting the "Unanswered" threads!
 Likes 4  
Nov 29, 2008, 04:44pm   #3
Oh, this is terrific! I only want to offer changes for the last paragraph:

I live my life with the guidance of his examples of righteousness, honesty, integrity, compassion, justice, and equity. How I walk, how I speak, how I carry myself, how I treat my mother and father, and how I behave as a son, brother, student, friend, and neighbor--that is all Mohammed in action.

Now, you should also delete this part: Mohammed died in 632 and left behind him a people united...Today Mohammed remains, more than anything else, a great role model.

By deleting that, you end with a powerful phrase, Muhammed in action.

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