Actually, the countries I represented were African countries, and I made friends all over by attending the conference..
^How are any of your readers supposed to know that?
IT has those conferences as well so they know about the debating and the "making friends" plus the conversations students mostly have.. students our age come from all over the world to attend these international conferences, and MIT is well aware of what they are and such..
^Just because you assume MIT knows, should not be your excuse to omit necessary details and information.
-In regards to your last line, going to be the end of what. High school?
It's not going to be the end of participating in Model United Nations.. and it's the beginning because it's just an introductory experience to what I'm planning to do if I get accepted in MIT, because I can do better in more experiences in Model United Nations.. :)
^Does MIT have a Model United Nations program? Also, revise all of those sentences. That idea most certainly, did not come across.
You need to find ways of expressing yourself in a sophisticated and comprehensive manner. It is hard, but remember you are applying to MIT and naturally, the standard of your writing should be quite high as well.
The first 2 sentences still aren't that catchy of a hook. ok so you said something that combines them is even more alluring, but then you said it as if it's not that interesting by using "seemed".
^The whole essay does not have a particular catch to it.
Mayada, I advise you delete this essay and start over. Sometimes the best sentences are simple, effective ones. Stick to those, because your current sentence style has boring elements to it and does not say anything unique about you either.