Can anybody give me a feedback or comment on this essay of mine. This is my first essay so its rough so please help. Thank you.
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
During my first year attending Communality College, I was not sure what I was going to major in. I understand that if I choose a major I did not like I will be stuck doing something I might regret for a long time. I know that I wanted to do something that I can help other people in need with, especially with monetary matters, so I explored my options by taking some general education courses. By the end of my first year I realized that I had a great interest in accounting so I decided to pursue this subject from that point onward.
What intrigued me about accounting is the perception of how everyone emphasizes this subject as boring and an easy major. But to me it is more that, I find accounting exciting and a beneficial way to help those that are in financial crisis. I like the idea that I can provide assistance to try to one day bring those back to their feet that have been ruined with financial problems. When entering the field of accounting one must have the dedication to do the work and understand the fundamentals. By listening to the lectures it made me think critically about the financial world and how it operates. It was fascinating to see how there are so many variations to improve a company's financial status. To me, doing the assigned homework was the most enjoyable experience of accounting. Everyday, I would spend a couple hours doing problems, even those that were not assigned, to learn and understand the concepts so that I can be prepare ahead of time. While sometimes I get stuck on a problem I would take advantage of the tutoring center to seek further assistance. In any case, these behaviors I believe will help me flourish in the field of accounting.
I have joined an honor business student organization in school called Alpha Beta Gamma. I was very grateful for an opportunity like this to arise, because it provided me a chance to associate with many hardworking and strong will individuals. Alpha Beta Gamma has given me a wide range of outlooks in the world of business. By attending guest speaker events I have gained a mass amount of knowledge from their experiences and how I can do the same if I put my heart into in. For the first time in my life, I feel proud to be part of something important and to experience something extraordinary in my life.
By majoring in accounting I know that I have chosen a road ahead of me that I must strive to overcome obstacles to achieve greatness. My goal to earn a degree in accounting will get me started in helping others in need and will be an experience of a lifetime. I have finally found something that I am enthusiastic about that will help me achieve my goals.
i think you have done well in stating what you have learnt in accounting,
i think maybe you can write more about the acitivities in the student organization, combine what you have learnt in class and the real world activities.
wish you good luck~~hope i did help~
O(∩_∩)O~
I reckon you should not start the paragraphs with I. Instead, I reckon you should start it with "In addition", "furthermore", "otherwise", etc.
I understand that if I choose a major I did not like I will be stuck doing something I might regret for a long time. ----This sentence is okay for the essay, but I want you to know it is not necessarily true. You can probably think of 3 careers that are most likely the ones you would enjoy, and they are probably all related in a way that would enable you to KEEP your options open. Know what I mean? Choose a major that will keep your options open so that you can, if you want, get a masters and phd in areas that start to interest you in the next few years.
I know that I wanted to do something that I can help other people in need with,
I know that I want to do something work that will enable me to help other people in need, especially with monetary matters, so I explored my options by taking some general education courses.
But to me it is more that, I find accounting to be an exciting and a beneficial way to help...
Look at how you wrote this sentence: By majoring in accounting I know that I have chosen a road ahead of me that I must strive to overcome obstacles to achieve greatness. ----This sentence can be simplified in the following way:
I have chosen a road that I must strive.---it makes no sense. Grammar is a lot like math: reduce it to simple terms to check for correctness.
By majoring in accounting I know that I have chosen a road that will require me to overcome obstacles to achieve greatness.
:-)
