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Macaulay Honors-Internet is a boon to Intellectual Development


vladr72492 1 / 2  
Oct 30, 2009   #1
This is my response to the Macaulay Honor's prompt of discussing an issue (local/national/worldwide pick one). This essay is about 640 words or so, it must be 500 or less (i don know how much they mind if its 10-20 words or so over the limit but the application wont let me submit it with over 600). Any help in shortening it would be useful. Also if anything else pops up at you (grammar, spelling etc) please make note of it. Thank You in Advance

It was 4:00 PM on a Friday and the freshman was already at his desk laboring over his homework. Another two hours or so of intense work went by, but the boy remained adamant in his attempt to fill the void with as much knowledge as possible. The once, pristine piece of loose-leaf paper on his desk had almost become a small book, brimming with wit and logic, but the boy remained wonderstruck. He felt himself growing as a scholar day by day, but today he felt himself to be on the verge of something bigger. The more he knew, the more he wanted to know. In a venture to further engage himself after his work was completed, he opened up a search engine and soon found Wikipedia's page dedicated to ancient Greek philosophers. There were so many names; Parmenides, Plato, Heraclitus, Aristotle. Who knew that such great knowledge, as well as the mind behind it, could have survived for millennia? A tinge of jealousy and sadness crossed his face; the greatest men all knew so much and the boy was frustrated that he had not reached their level of intelligence and magnanimity just yet. Years later, as the boy was preparing for college, his mother would go on to remark that everything about him has changed since then, everything but the desire to grow outside of the classroom.

I can understand, but never justify, why the Internet is so ruthlessly and maligned. I am very in favor of a classical education and I don't believe that one must reinvent the wheel to achieve his best, but to immediately dismiss something as significant as the Internet is disconcerting at best. The general argument is that technology, specifically the Internet, is the cause of the intellectual downfall of man because technology can do much without great effort on the human's part. As the freshman depicted before, I found that the Internet was an invaluable resource. I found elucidation in the myriad of virtual encyclopedias, intelligent humor in its discussion boards and wisdom in being able to learn more than what is presented to me. What greater test of character for a scholar than to see if he is willing to go out of his way to commit one more fact to memory, explore one more viewpoint, or experience a new kind of music genre? Instead of discussing how wonderful and advantageous the Web has been, much of the world has offer such scrutiny as that it is a distraction from true learning or that it is not a safe environment for students. While, it is true that the infinite information that the Internet accommodates is not equal to infinite knowledge and therefore can distract a student, one can also argue that it is the student's discipline that must make the Internet a resource and not a means of impetuous entertainment. The Internet is just like any other medium of communication; you must use discretion in order to be safe. If one divulges too much information to the public through any means, then there can be dire consequences. Generally, if a user has common sense a goal then there should be no reason to have an unsatisfactory virtual journey.

In my experience, the Internet, and most other forms of technology, has been inherently useful. Perhaps those who complain about the evils of technology are the ones who tend to abuse it and therefore find it detrimental to their personal development. As with all major inventions, people must understand that something as wide-spanning as the Internet is only as useful as its intentions and that nothing is guaranteed to happen through its usage. My intuition tells me that the future holds much in store for me because of my knowledge of the pragmatic application and integration of technology into my classical studies.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 1, 2009   #2
One way to make it shorter and also better is to eliminate unnecessary words:

At 4:00 PM on Friday and the freshman was already at his desk, laboring over his homework.

Little revisions like that make it so the reader has to read fewer words and get the same experience.

Same here:
Another Two hours or so of intense work went by, but the boy remained adamant in his attempt to fill the void with about acquiring as much knowledge as possible.

See how it is nicer to read when you have fewer words?

That is why they challenge you to get it down under the word count. Less is more.

With this sentence, you need the word "have" if you talk about the Internet and something else:
In my experience, the Internet and most other forms of technology have been inherently useful. ----> wait a minute, scrap that whole sentence, because of course the internet is useful. Don't state the obvious! Instead, you could say that for you the internet has been useful in a special way.

You write very well, keep revising!!!


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