Please help me with grammar as English is not my first language, and give me feedback whether or not this passes as a good essay? There is suppose to be a pattern going on, but I'm not sure if it's distinctive or not. I tried to approach the prompt in a way that says without understanding my past, I won't be able to understand the present or a future...
PROMPT: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
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I wouldn't know how to describe myself, in the sense of usual identified traits. When it comes to the way I see myself, I like to think that I'm just here. Here, thinking thoughts that I don't think other's think. I think a lot, I don't know why, but I do. They say our life is best lived forward and best understood when lived backwards. I look back to see moments, and events in my life simply because I want to understand why everything happened the way it did. I have no control now even though I wish I did. I look at what I have now and I see an improvement in my outlook and my perspective on everything.
September 24, 2013. It is 8:13PM on a quiet Tuesday night. My mind is a bundle of knots and ropes. I, along with many aspiring college students are contemplating about their future plans. It is absurd to me that around this age we are pressured to decide what we will be doing for the rest of our lives. I'll be honest; I am not afraid of what the future holds. Frankly, I am not afraid of anything, except for time. I am looking back at my life, and I can't seem to remember half of it. Not even half of half of it. Which saddens me, because time moves so fast even though a second seems so long. It is 8:28PM and I am mentally making a list of the things I've haven't done, and probably won't have time to do. Things I've haven't said, and probably never will. I don't mean to sound morbid, it's just that at any given moment my journey may reach its destination with no warning, because time is always one step ahead of me.
Early February, 2009. I was in the midst of sleeping until I was unexpectedly woken up by my parents at 4AM to the news of my grandmother's death. I was not in shock, in fact I felt emotionless. Rather than getting ready for school that morning, my brother and I were preparing ourselves for an 8620 miles restless flight. The plane ride was treacherously long, as well as the whole month of February that we stayed in Tra Vinh, Vietnam. For such a hot place that averages 90° year round; Vietnam sure felt cold. Looking back, my grandmother was always by my side, regardless of her ability to speak or walk because she was paralyzed from the waist down. For someone who was incapable of doing many things, she made sure I had everything. I was young. I was insensitive. Not once did I ever tell you that I love you or that I was grateful for everything you've done for me. I am sorry I have never learned to hold on to anyone but myself. Even if I wanted to ask you to stay, the only word that would crawl out of my mouth was goodbye.
September, 1999. My 3 year old self is getting ready for her first day of preschool, going with mixed emotions, ranging from excitement to anxiety. Her mind is a bundle of knots and ropes. She, along with many 3 year olds are worried about what's to come, and if they are prepared to begin their journey of independence. To make decisions on their own without the help of their parents. In this moment she is scared of the future, and the unknown, but she knows she has plenty of time before the future arrives.
It is 9:17PM, and I am over thinking again.
I wouldn't know how to describe myself ((no comma here) in the sense of usual identified traits. When it comes to the way I see myself, I like to think that I'm just here. Here, thinking thoughts that I don't think other's think. I think a lot, I don't know why, but I do. They say our life is best lived forward and best understood when lived backwards. I look back to see moments, and events in my life simply because I want to understand why everything happened the way it did. I have no control now even though I wish I did. I look at what I have now and I see an improvement in my outlook and my perspective on everything.
September 24, 2013. It is 8:13PM on a quiet Tuesday night. My mind is a bundle of knots and ropes. I, along with many aspiring college students are contemplating about their future plans. It is absurd to me that around this age we are pressured to decide what we will be doing for the rest of our lives. I'll be honest; I am not afraid of what the future holds. Frankly, I am not afraid of anything, except for time. I am looking back at my life, and I can't seem to remember half of it. Not even half of half of it. Which saddens me, because time moves so fast even though a second seems so long. It is 8:28PM and I am mentally making a list of the things that I've haven't done, and probably won't have time to do. Things I've haven't said, and probably never will. I don't mean to sound morbid, it's just that at any given moment my journey may reach its destination with no warning, because time is always one step ahead of me.
Early February, 2009. I was in the midst of sleeping until I was unexpectedly woken up by my parents at 4AM to the news of my grandmother's death. I was not in shock, in fact I felt emotionless. Rather than getting ready for school that morning, my brother and I were preparing ourselves for an 8620 miles restless flight. The plane ride was treacherously long, as well as the whole month of February that we stayed in Tra Vinh, Vietnam. For such a hot place that averages 90° year round; Vietnam sure felt cold. Looking back, my grandmother was always by my side, regardless of her ability to speak or walk because she was paralyzed from the waist down. For someone who was incapable of doing many things, she made sure I had everything. I was young. I was insensitive. Not once did I ever tell you that I love you or that I was grateful for everything you've done for me. I am sorry I have never learned to hold on to anyone but myself. Even if I wanted to ask you to stay, the only word that would crawl out of my mouth was goodbye.(I did not thank her for what she had done ... blahblah something like that. don't use you, use her
September, 1999. My 3 year old self is getting ready for her first day of preschool, going with mixed emotions, ranging from excitement to anxiety. Her mind is a bundle of knots and ropes. She, along with many 3 year olds are worried about what's to come, and if they are prepared to begin their journey of independence. To make decisions on their own without the help of their parents. In this moment she is scared of the future, and the unknown, but she knows she has plenty of time before the future arrives.
It is 9:17PM, and I am over thinking again.
I absolutely love the beginning! But ending, i don't know. sounds kind of random b/c after your grandma's death you jump to your preschool. I understand what you're trying to do, but maybe put one or two sentence to make that clear. Anyway, love this essay! it's very creative!
