Future room mate,
I really hope you enjoy momentary leaves from reality, because I surely do. By momentary leaves, I mean 30 min- 60 min television shows. If theres one thing people know about me, it's that I highly enjoy watching tv ( and that i love squirrels and glitter, but that's a different story). From Arrested Development to Vampire Diaries to White Collar to Skins, I watch it all. The sense of no worries, is what drew me in to making this what I do in my spare time. Analysing every aspect and coming up with my own theories of what will happen next, is what kept me. I get very invested in everything I do, and watching a show is no exception. For example, I watched Lost all the way through, and then looked up and looked for answers to all my questions. I think it stems from my strange quirk of hating the feeling of confusion. Hopefully, we can have these momentary leaves from reality in our dorm next year.
I have 1072 characters left, what else can i add?
Some strange habits that you may have? What kinds of food you like to eat? When you go to sleep? There are tons of questions you can ask yourself. Be creative! :P
talk about your family, any idiosyncrasies, interests you have not talked about before or just focus on one odd things of your personality or life
^ anything else about what i wrote? like more i can add on about what i wrote.
Hopefully, we can have these momentary leaves from reality in our dorm next year, together.
What works great is your social skills, since these are important for a college student.
Mind taking a look at my revised movie essay?
theres -- there is
The sense of no worries and relaxation, is what drew me in to making this what I do in my spare time.
change to "draws" b/c it is ongoing right?
That's all I can pick out hope that helps.
- Sorry, but the "leaves" part confused me because I thought you were talking about actual leaves. "Departures" has the same meaning, but is more clear.
- Take our the comma after relaxation
- I added "of the plot" after "Aspect" because it was a bit ambiguous
- What is "it"?
- I would say to maybe rephrase that. "Strange" is unnecessary because a quirk is by definition odd. Maybe rephrase to something like "quirky hate of confusion"
- You had an uncapitalized "I"
- I think the "have to deal with" is unnecessary and I changed "favorite" to the American spelling.
- "When the time comes to buy my own house" is more concise and stronger
- "Been looking forward" shows that you still look forward to it
- This part is a fragment, and I think that you could rephrase it to make it stronger
All these are only suggestions, but I hope they help. If you are applying to Stanford, I assume that you are intelligent enough to figure out that the bullet points correspond to the sections in different colors. Good luck!
find a better word for leaves---momentary lapses?
If there' s one thing people know about me, it's that I highly enjoy watching tv ( and that i love squirrels and glitter, but that's a different story). From Arrested Development to Vampire Diaries to White Collar to Skins, I am willing to watch it them all. The sense of no worries and relaxation, is what drew me in to making this what I do watching TV ("making this" is vague) in my spare time. Analysing every aspect (every hint? every sly glance? elaborate) and coming up with my own theories of what will happen next, is what kept me (awkward). I get very invested in everything I do, and watching a show is no exception. For example, I watched Lost all the way through, and then looked up and looked for answers to all my questions. I think it (what is "it"? ) stems from my strange quirk of hating the feeling of confusion hating to be confused. I'm the type of person who, when I do not know something that I want to, will look up every possible answer until I feel i get the right one. On the other side of the spectrum what most people do not know about me is that I love do it yourself projects. My favourite have to deal with home décor and fashion. When the time comes that I buy my own house, I want to do the interior design work using the skills I have acquired from all the projects I've done. All in all, what almost no one knows about me is that I have looked forward to dorm life since I was in about 6th grade. My room mate being one of the aspects of college that keep me sane between all the work (you havent met your roomate yet). Hopefully, we can have these momentary leaves from reality in our dorm next year, together.
bold: awkward wording
red: add
blue: change (this is my personal opinion of how it would flow better)
green: delete
please read mine :P
